Drunkeness and Debauchery

Well, maybe not debauchery, but certainly drunkeness. For Al's birthday, we started out at Elephant and Castle (I approve of pubs mightily, by the by) and then hit up Cook County for some good cowboy fun. We danced, we drank, we two-stepped, D and I rode the bull, we drank some more, some guy told Clare and I we were hot...good times. And then we hit up McD's and stumbled back to Clare's. Very literally. I think I was leaning on Clare the entire way...so thank you Clare for the support and listening to my rather embarassing emotional ravings. And then Clare and Al and I were having a chat and I just up and fell asleep. I don't even remember being tired. Very strange. So...good night over all. Everyone looked hot, I looked far too cowboy.

Today was definitely the day of recovery, because oh man was I hung over. From four beers. Tres sad. But I did some reading, talked to various people on msn...cursed my computer because I think it has a virus. And lo, the day ended.

Always the Dreams...

Why is it I never have good dreams? I either don't sleep, don't dream, or have bad dreams. And lately I've been alternating between the don't sleep and bad dreams. Last night's was...singularly dpressing. Put me off for the whole day really, but that could be due to the fact that I've had probably half a dozen hours of sleep or so in the past couple of days.

A bunch of us were walking in Edmonton, and we saw Mark and his girlfriend. I think it was Clare who pointed them out, and I smiled and turned to say something to her, and then all of a sudden I was walking with Mark, except he looked different. He looked how he used to look before he turned all emo, but it was winter of first semester. Or at least I assumed it was because grandma was really sick. And even in the dream I knew it wasn't real. I knew that we weren't together anymore, and that grandma was dead. But I wanted it so much to be true. I want to have someone to hold my hand and tell me it's going to be okay. I would give anything for another day with my grandma. Just one more day of playing cards, and cooking dinner and running to the store and...just so many little, mundane things that I loved to do with her.

But it's useless to wish for things. She's never coming back, and life is never 'okay', so what's the point? Life moves on, and so should we. We don't hardly talk about my grandma ever (except when my mother chooses to whine about how sad she is), my grandpa has a girlfriend, and I'm alone. And that's the way it is. And that's probably the way it will be for a very long time.

I can't wait to get back to Edmonton and my (practically) daily gym routine. At least I can pretend everything is okay for a little while whilst endorphins are being pumped into my bloodstream.

"Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person." - Mark Twain

El Christmas

So...Christmas again. Oh, the sounds of an irritating, consumer-driven holiday to warm my heart. But, before I get on to the wonderful holiday of Christmas, exam stuff!

Basically, exams were, once again, a mini-hell of my very own. I had a whole bunch of stress, a few mini-breakdowns, a LOT of trips to the gym, some obssessing over weight, quite a few moments of self-pity...Yup, the whole exam gamut of Mare-Cannot-Deal-With-Stress Syndrome. I just about cried walking out of my two econ exams. But hey, C and C-, I'll take them. Bs and Cs get degrees! Still waiting on my music, but PolS and Span were both B.

And hey, after not having eaten in three weeks, I've summarily made up for it in two days of Christmas eating. DCC, here I come. But not tomorrow. Tomorrow is clearly Boxing Day Shopping.

Christmas was, as per usual, irritating and stressful. As per usual, I did a LARGE part of the work. For a holiday I care nothing about. And people wonder why I have no Christmas spirit. I pretty well cleaned the entire house (Daddy did the vacuuming...after I told him I already did it, of course), I did almost all of the christmas baking, I did all of the cooking in preparation for Christmas day and what we needed to take to Aunty Sandy's, I did some of the cooking for Christmas Eve dinner here, I wrapped daddy's gifts (because he hates wrapping), I helped do dishes at Aunty Joanne's today, I peeled and cooked the potatoes and helped set up the table at Aunty Sandy's today, I helped my mum with the shopping for the Christmas dinners/games that we play...basically, I do a ton of the Christmas work. And when Grandma always had Christmas, I helped her with the cooking and cleaning and wrapping presents and putting on the dinners there. I've been raised to be the good daughter/future wife and not complain about it. But you know what, I HATE CHRISTMAS. And I always end up doing the work for it. I object.

And that is my rant about that.

But ya, overall, Christmas went well. Mum was pleased anyway. And I guess that's what counts as she's the one that likes Christmas.

I'll be back in the city on the 29th...we should party on New Year's if ya'll will be around.

Loserface

Hank called me a loserface. Most of you don't know Hank, but he's Janna's fake rooster that looks so very real and creepy and is missing an eye. And he called ME a loserface. Ouch. Coming from a fake, one-eyed rooster, that hurts. Cut me deep lol.

I have my first exam today at 9am. And I have the Asian Factor. It may be racist, but it's true, and their screwing me over on the curve. Although, i have managed to stay at about class average, and I'm okay with that. Bs and Cs get degrees! Or, if you prefer, D is for Degree. Because it doesn't matter what grades you get, as long as you have the degree when you leave, no one is going to look at your marks. Or at least that's what I tell myself.

Janna and I watched Bend It Like Beckham last night, and now I am totally in like with Jonathon Rhys Myers. I want his babies. I want his gorgeous, irish-catholic, irish-accented babies. Seriously, I could listen to him forever. *swoon*

I couldn't sleep last night, which was fairly rediculous. I just keep replaying things in my head, what I could have said or done differently, even though it really doesn't matter because I did what I had to do. I'm just...so very lonely. I need to know someone loves me enough to put up with my crazyness. I want to go to sleep feeling safe and wake up knowing I'm not alone. I don't want to be left alone with my thoughts anymore. All they do is depress me.

Good Idea? Probably Not.

I just need to comment on the absolute awesomeness that was Caridee winning ANTM. Take that Melrose! And who totally loved how Melrose tried to get in on the Caridee-Eugenia hug and then horribly failed? ME TOO! Seriously, wtf was that about? But whatever, it doesn't matter because Caridee won. And we all cheered.

I was then convinced to go out to Cook County with a bunch of people. Probably not the greatest idea, but the thought of two-stepping and cowboys lured me out. Only to find that it was closed. As was I-Ho. So two cabs of us met up at Funky Bhudda (which was populated by the token old drunk guy and pretty much no one else) and decided to go to Stolli's. Which also sucked. So we then went to Windsors, which was okay because we shot some pool, and then Siobhan came and found us. And then we went to Duke's for all of two seconds and then back to Lister. And I was drunk.

I pretty much spent the rest of the night sleeping it off on a Lister couch (sketch) interspersed with some makeing-out on aforementioned Lister couch(double sketch). And then was walked home at like, 6am. And I shall be hitting up the library at 8am for some good studying time.

Was any of that a good idea? Probably not. But it was fun.

Revving up for Finals

It's been awhile since I've posted. Mainly because I have to life about which to post, but also because I really don't know what to say. What's too much? What's too little? Theoretically, I can post whatever the heck I want and everyone just gets to deal with it, but at the same time, I don't want to too much information anyone.

Anyway. I've been stressing out lately. About everything. I'm an arts student, I really don't have all that much to stress about. I mean, I know I'm just propagating the stereotype here, but it's kind of true in my case. I really don't have all that much pressing work I need to do. Mostly readings and questions I should do. But I'm very much tired of university. I like some of my classes, but I don't really have any motivation to go. I just want to crawl in bed and stay there until May. That would be nice. And I've started obsessing about my weight again, which kind of scares me. But I want to be thin. I want to be attractive. I want to be wanted. I want to be those pretty girls with the bitch walk that know they're hot and don't look like they give a damn what you think. But I'm not. I'm not any of those things. All I can do is want. And try to lose weight.

I'm going home this weekend. Partially because my mum's been bugging me for weeks, but partially because I need a break. I love living in Edmonton, and I love living with Janna and Fleg, and I love our random dinner parties/tv nights with the guys. But I need a break. I need to just get away from everything and re-evaluate. I need to stop not caring about school. I need....a new life. A new perspective.

And I would like a big spoon. Well, a slightly more permanent big spoon. But it is what it is. And I have no time to find/have a boyfriend. Not like I'm beating them off with a stick or anything. But se la vie. Life goes on.

"Love humiliates you. Hatred cradles you." - Ingrid, White Oleander

Drug-Induced Crazyness?

Last night, Siobhan and I had a hot date. We made dinner (Siobhan made brownies), we had wine, we watched a movie while doing homework. It was a good date. And then I walked her home and we hung out for a while before watching Daily Show and Colbert with Craig. Who then walked me home. So, good night all in all. And now I'm sitting here eating cold left-overs for breakfast because I'm lazy.

I had crazy, cracked-out dreams last night/this morning. I don't know if it was those pain killers, or just my cracked-out subconcious, but it was weird. And disturbing. I had a dream that Mark died. And no one told me. I'm sorry, but I kind of expect to be told something so important. It was quite the upsetting dream. And then I was trying to wake up, and I had like, four dreams in a row that I woke up and hauled myself out of bed, only to discover that I was still asleep as soon as I thought I had gotten out of bed. Now that is irritating. So really, I'm just in a bad mood all-round this morning.

But whatever. I have to go do some homework. En espanol.

Of Dreams and Kurt Cobain

Two days of updating in a row, wow. I'm impressed with myself.

I watched Equilibrium this morning, which is an absolutely fantastic movie. If you haven't seen it, you ought to. And I'm not summing up the plot for you. If you're too lazy to see the movie, I'm too lazy to ennable you. Anyway. In the movie one of the Clerics (who is commiting a sense offense, gasp!) reads a poem by Yeats, which I think is just so beautiful:

"Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver lights,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths,
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

Because aren't we all just treading on each others' dreams? I don't know, maybe I'm being a little to arts. But hey, take what you will.

Rabe, you should like this: in music class today, we listened to Nirvana, specificially "smells like teen spirit". And you know what? I liked it. I think Nirvana could grow on me. Thus, I may borrow some music at some point, Rabe. Although it was a little bit weird when the prof kind of teared up a bit when he was talking about Kurt Cobain's suicide. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure it's sad...but I think we're a little removed for crying in a lecture about it. And then he started going on about how he thinks Courtney Love killed Cobain. It was a good class.

Anwho, work tonight. That's going to be faaaantastic. Really, who doesn't like working on a Friday night? Clearly not me, because that seems to be the shift I work all the time. Very tooly.

Long time, Nothing Happening

It's been a while since I've updated. But suprise, suprise, nothing's happened. What can I say? I have absolutely no life. I'm still sick. I went back to the doctor today and she told me my mono test came back negative, so go home and sleep it off because it could take up to two months for my random virus to go away. But I convinced her to give me drugs for the pain, so huzzah! But then the pharmacist warned me that they may or may not give me an asthma attack. That's poor.

My parents told me I had to cut back to two shifts a week at work, which is actually fine with me, because I was definitely getting a little too stressed out. But then my bosses sold the business, so I have new bosses, and I don't know what's going to change and what's going to stay the same. But I'm kind of thinking about quiting anyway, because I'm just so tired all the time with this virus. And my parents have decided to pick up second semester's rent, which is really nice.

So ya, basically nothing new. Exciting, huh?

Back From the Brink of Death

Okay, maybe not the brink of death, but it sure felt like it. I went home (like, my mum came and took me back to the fort) on Sunday and stayed in bed until I came back to the apartment on Wednesday night. And then went to a couple classes and went back to bed. Because I have mono. Yuck. But I'm going back to work on Friday. Double yuck. I've cut my shifts down to two a week though, so hopefully it'll work out okay.

Anyway, I'm supposed to be studying. Or napping. One of the two.

Just Kill Me Now

Seriously, just get it over with. I hate this dragged-out, lingering death of sleep deprivation, lack of nutrition, and stress-induced lowering of my immune system. It's quite cruel really.

Basically, I think this has been the month of Hell. I work four shifts a week, I have midterms, assigments, and weekly spanish homework. I don't even have time to grocery shop. But that's okay, because I'm so tired I'm not even hungry anymore. But I secretly like that, because it means I might just lose that weight I've been wanting to get rid of. But then it makes me a little frightened that I'm thinking that, so I bought some meal supplements and drink one of those a day. I wish I had time to work out.

I have no life, whatsoever. I mean, I don't even have time to notice my lack of life, really, or the fact that I'm really lonely. I know I whine about it a lot, but I just want a boy. A good-smelling boy. One who will hold me while I'm sleeping and tell me that he loves me just as I am. I want to know that I'm loved. I want to know that I'm holding the last, ragged edges of my sanity together for a reason. Because I'm ready to let go. I'm just so tired of it all. What's the point? What's the point of going through 3 more years of hell for some degree that will probably be fairly useless to me anyway? What's the point of trying to look nice when boys don't notice anyway? What's the point of crying myself to sleep when there's no one to hear?

To sleep, perchance to dream...for in that sleep...what dreams may come

Chivalry's not dead, it's just drunk.

What did I do last night? I did what I do every Friday night, Pinky, work my ass off at the cafe. Much less exciting than taking over the world. But I finally met Natasha, who is very nice. She's from the Fac, but lives in Shaeffer this year. And being as she's in spanish, we practised our conversational skills while I waited with her at safeway for safewalk to escort her home.

On the way to Safeway, we were just talking and whatever, and this big group of drunken guys was walking towards us (well, towards the bars and more beer, I would assume. They were taking up most of the sidewalk, so when they came up to us, the guy next-to-closest to us grabs his friend who is about to run into us, hauls him, bodily, quite across the sidewalk, and says "my apologies" to us before carrying on his drunken way. Seriously, I think his friend's feet left the ground.

But good news ladies, Chivalry's NOT dead...it's just drunk.

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds'. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy

THE Dinner Party

We had a dinner party at the apartment with the Boys and Heather (Sarah's friend), which was fantabulous. I ended up doing most of the cooking, but I think it turned out okay food-wise. We also demolished seven bottles of wine and 5 bottles of corona. Between eight of us. Two of which left pretty well as soon as dinner was done. Needless to say, we were pretty slammered.

As it was determined that I couldn't stand up straight and did a whole bunch of work already, Kyle and Fleg did the dishes, which was awesome. And then we finished off the wine and watched Mean Girls. During which I promptly fell asleep. And then was woken up and pretty well carried to my room by Fleg. And then we were joined in my bed by Kris and had a lovely chat. That's right, I could have had a THREESOME lol.

And then I woke up more, so we all convened into Sarah's room for a while, and then back to finishe Mean Girls. We were going to watch Pirates, but I went to bed. I have no idea when everyone else decamped, but I don't think it was long after I did.

All in all, it was a great night. I'd do it again lol. But not right now, because I worked tonight and I'm tired. I'M GOING TO BEDFORDSHIRE AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!!

TURKEY

So...what is new in the land of Mare? Not a whole hell of a lot, really. I do a lot of schoolwork. Plus regular work. And then thanksgiving of course. Which consisted of (starting friday night): work, homework &work, turkey, work and turkey. And that was my fabulous turkey weekend.

On a positive note, my boss told me he was proud of me. Because I'm "very obedient, even though you're an only child". I'm going to go ahead and take that in the manner in which it was intended: as a compliment. Even though, in our culture at least, it's really not. But hey, obedience pays. In the form of $8.50 an hour plus food and tips. I'll take it.

I'm getting all depressed again, which is always fun. Basically just me being all whiny, but what do you expect? I'm just so tired of school already and always being tired because I never get enough sleep, and my mother whinging about me coming home, and so on and so forth. But I'll live.

"No one feels another's grief, no one understands another's joy. People imagine they can reach one another. In reality, they only pass each other by."
- Franz Schubert

Econ = Too Much Work

In music class yesterday, there was a Phillipino guy sitting next to me that smelled like Mark. It was weird. Only Mark should smell like Mark. It was really confusing because (I'm just going to go ahead and say it), guys smelling good is a bit of a turn on, but this particular guy wasn't all that attractive (which = turn off). I can't handle the confusion! Plus my prof was going on about how some song would be great to listen to while you were high and yadayadayada.

I spent an entire hour and four sheets of looseleaf trying to figure out a part of a question for my econ 299 assignment. Needless to say, I was VERY frustrated by the time Fleg got home. So she conviced me to tag along on her study date so I could ask Chris if he could help me. Which ended up being the BEST IDEA EVER because he showed me step by step how to prove these two dumb summation equation things weren't equal in like, 10 minutes. God I love honours econ boys. And I got so much work done. It was strange. Their house is like the House of Work (as Allister put it).

But anywho, I need to go to work. Where they feed me. Because I like being fed.

Several Boring Topics

Being as none of us have seen Fleg all weekend and we were tired of asking "where's rebecca?", I took the initiative and peeked in her room to see if she was sleeping and we had just been missing each other. No Fleg. The verdict: she's either gone home for the weekend, or she's been attacked and her body is lying in the river valley somewhere. These things happen.

Today is the infamous house cleaning day, which I love because the house looks so pretty on Sunday nights. I'm on kitchen this week, and I am going to disinfect like a crazy woman. And it had better stay that way, or ELSE. Dire consequences will be thought up. I just have this thing about the place I prepare/eat food having to be clean and sanitary.

I work today for the third day in a row. I don't know if I like this working consecutive days when I'm trying to also get homework done, but I really like money, so I guess I'll take it. I'll just have to stay up late and do homework tonight. But that's okay, because I have a cute new coffee maker, and Mark tells me that they said on the news that coffee is good for you, so I'm in the clear. mmmmm....coffee.

Thanksgiving is this weekend...mmmm pumpkin pie. I HEART pumpkin pie, so there had better be some waiting for me, or else I will commandeer the kitchen (commandeer, nautical term heehee) and make my own when I get home. The Fort home, not here home. Got that's confusing. This is technically my home, so what do I call the Fort home? My parent's place? I don't know. Suggestion box is open.

The Plague and My New Obsession

I forgot to mention my plague. I came down with it on Saturday night and spent all of Sunday and yesterday lolling about complaining and infecting everyone else with my phages. My mother even had to come in and help me do the shopping because I seemed to be incapable of thinking rationally in my fevered state. On the plus side, it looks like I was generous and shared my plague with Fleg. There was a motion in the house put forward to confine me to my room and seal the door with that red tape stuff like on Grey's Anatomy, but thankfully that hasn't happened. Yet. That would just be bad. What would I eat? How could I spread my phages?

I also have a new resolution: No more mixing over the counter drugs. I took Benylin and some tylenol cold pills before I went to bed...I swear to god, I spent the whole night feeling like I was going through detox for my crack addiction. NOW they tell me I'm not supposed to mix drugs. GEEZ.

So, onto my new obsession: Questionable Content. It's THE best comic EVER, biatch. Thanks to Louis for getting me hooked. There's like, over 700 strips, and I'm into the 500s now. I just can't get enough of the sarcastic, biting wit! I love it. Give it a read and see if you like it. DO IT NOW.

On Saturday, I found out that Mark has a girlfriend. I don't know who she is or when they started going out, but those details don't really matter anyways. To be honest, when I first found out, I was angry and hurt and confused. How was he possibly ready to move on after a month and a half (at most) of being single after a two and a half year relationship? Did it mean that our relationship hadn't matterd as much as I thought it had? How could he have "gotten over" (if you'll pardon the oh-so-cliched term) us so quickly? And just to clarify, I wasn't angry that he "beat" me, so to speak, to the next relationship, I was angry because I, once again, felt unimportant.

But after some thinking (and copious amounts of cookie dough, blegh), I think I've come to terms with my irrationality. I mean, (as Fleg so brutally and honestly pointed out) I was the one that ended the relationship. I have no business feeling hurt that Mark has moved on. The fact that he's moved on isn't a reflection on how much our relationship meant or didn't mean to him, and projecting my insecurities on the situation was just irrational. And just because I take a long-ish time to get reaquainted with myself and what I want from a relationship, doesn't mean everyone else should take as much time as me because everyone's different.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know it's going to be awhile before I'm ready to be in another relationship, and I'm okay with that because that's just my personality. And I'm really and truly glad that Mark has found someone that can make him happy. I hope it works out for him this time. And I hope she realizes what a truly great guy Mark is.

Boy In My Bed

Last night, I went and played sociables on 9, which was fun. I was an incredibly cheap drunk, which is dumb. For some reason, it seems that the more often I drink, the less tolerance I have. Does that make any sense? I don't think so. Anyway, so we wandered home around 2 30am (we being Jame, Dana, Joelie, and I), and I decided I didn't want Joelie trying to make it home on his own, so he stayed with me. There was a BOY in my BED. lol.

On a different note, I don't think I've told you about my job! I am a server/bus person/food preparer/gelato server/janitor. That's right, I'm a Jane-of-all-trades. It's pretty fun. It's like a 20 min fast walk to the cafe at which I work, so I get a bit of exercise.

But I must go. Time to do homework and such.

Walk of Shame

I went to Duke's last night with 9H, which turned out to be quite fun. A lot of the first years can't hold their alcohol too well (not that I should be talking), so it was quite amusing. I only bought one, but I ended up finishing off Craig's, and then Caileigh and I finished Lana's beer and the rest of Caileigh's cooler, so I was a bit buzzed by the time we got everyone back to Lister.

Then Caileigh brought out her alcohol, so we drank some more while listeing/ singing along to Ben's country music. And I taught people how to do the Cadillac Ranch. Oh yeah, passing on the hick dances lol. Being as it was decided I was too drunk to walk home, I took up residence in Tom's roommate's bed (who wasn't at home) and promptly passed out. As pathetic as it is, I haven't slept that deeply in a long time.

And then this morning was the Walk of Shame. Well, sort of. It wasn't really, being as I didn't sleep with anyone, but random people on the street don't know that. Fun times.

Missing Boys

You know, I miss boys. I live in a house with three other single girls, so there haven't been too many boys around. Just Janna's friend Landon, but he pretty much keeps to her room. That was one good thing about Lister; there were always boys around.

And, as pathetic as it is, I miss having a boyfriend. I miss being cuddled and kissed. I miss not sleeping alone. I miss having someone I don't mind crying to every once in a while when I feel overwhelmed. I miss having someone to look pretty for. I miss the security. I miss feeling loved.

Don't get me wrong, I don't regret my decisions, but I do wish things had been different. I'm just so used to having males around, it feels wrong to live in a house of girls and have virtually no guy friends. Certainly no close guy friends, anyway.

But so life goes. I'll get over it eventually, I'm sure.

All PIMPED out

Last night, Fleg, being my pimp, hoed me out for dinner with her three guy friends and another girl, which was actually quite nice. Allister was a really good cook, Kyle and Norway kept the conversation going, we watched Love Actually. What more could you want? I, of course, was being painfully quiet, but really, I've met these guys once. It's very intimidating. Although after polishing off three bottles of wine between the 6 of us, it seemed slightly less so. There's really not much I can say, it was a good time. Of course the whole point of the dinner (to get a certain two persons together) didn't come off quite as planned, but what ever does?

I put in my resume at the 1812 European Cafe yesterday, and the woman whom I assume is in charge already phoned me back last night to ask me to come for an interview. I think I'm pretty much guaranteed the job, which is kind of nice. It's only about a 13 block walk as well (so about 20 min or so), so I don't have to take the public transit! yay! My mother, of course, thinks I'm going to get shot in a drive by (I'm not even joking, she said that) or some deranged person is going to attack me. I'm pretty sure I can handle the crazies on Whyte. They're usually too drunk to bother with anyone lol.

Anyway, must get down to homework business. I'm going to have to learn time management, especially if I'm going to be working.

Understanding Popular Culture

I don't think I've been so disturbed by a textbook. This is my Music 103 text, and so far all it is, is a bunch of mindless prattle, with references to other (and probably much better) authors and sources. I hate it already, and I'm not even through the first chapter! Let me give you a sneak peak at the inanity that is my text:

On pages 13-14, Shuker uses an example which I, personally, find rather offensive and ...well not politically correct, we'll say:

"For example, a piece of 'gansta' rap music by Ice-T will be received very differently by an inner-city ghetto young black male..., and a middle class suburban white woman. The woman would probably find the idiom itself 'boring', its sexism offensive, and its 'blackness' threatening. For the black youth, however, the music would speak to his general economic experience of powerlessness, while asserting his black masculinity and perceived gender superiority within his ethnic group."

I'm sorry, but that was the worst example I've ever read. Seriously, I'm sure he could have found a less offensive (and less racist, in my opinion) example.

Moving right along to page 18:

"Allan Bloom argued that rock music presents life as 'a non-stop commercial prepackaged masturbational fantasy', which he charges as responsible for the atrophy of the minds and bodies of youth"

Okay, really don't think that quote was neccessary, do you? I don't even want to read the rest. But I have to, because my disorganized, random-thought spewing proffessor is making me. NOT impressed by this class. Avoid like the plague.

In my Econ 281 class yesturday, this guy came strutting (I kid you not, actually doing a 'gangsta', if I may borrow from Shuker, strut) into class with his little 2 person posse a half hour late (in a 50 min class, no less), walked in front of the prof, and looked around at the class like "ya, that's right, I'm late, what of it, I'm cool", before eventually finding his seat. Nicely done asshole, we all know you think you're cool. Next time, why don't you make us think you're even more cool by not showing up? At least you won't interupt my doodling.

I'm in a bad mood.

Of Beer and Engineers

So today was THE day. Phantom of the Opera day! YAY! It was SUPER good. I quite enjoyed it. But apparently the woman in front of me didn't, because she was falling asleep. Really, who spends a hundred bucks to fall asleep? She could have done that in the comfort of her own bed. But ya, totally good. I would recommend it. Heck, I would go again provided I wasn't paying for it. And my seats weren't that bad either. First Balcony, row J. So good seats + great show = FANTASTIC. And not the cleaning supplies either.

And then I went to rezfest with Siobhan this evening. Some of the bands were pretty good, but the beer gardens were pretty horrible. Okay, just the "line" (and I use that term loosely) was terrible. I was pressed up against total stragers for an hour. And when I say pressed, I mean they were pushing me over, and were so close, I couldn't tell which was my sweat and which was other people's . Pretty gross, I'm not going to lie. And of course Lynds just left me because she didn't want to be in the "line" anymore. Totally UNCOOL. But I WAS pressed up against a rather cute guy, so that was okay. I introduced myself because I was vaguely uncomfortable with the fact that I was pressed against his chest and knew nothing about him, and he turned out to be a first-year engineer named Daniel. And then we made out a bit until the girl behind us yelled at us. And then we FINALLY got our beer, and I went off in search of my friends.

Daniel found us later and hung out with us. And when I say us, I mean he was glued to me. Which wasn't all that bad, except Siobhan's dissaproval. But whatever, we made out some more and she tried to take pictures. And then I left him. Tear. But whatevs, I'm sure he'll manage. lol. I know, I'm a hussy. But I'm not going to lie, it was fun. I think Fleg and Sarah are rubbing off on me. Hott stuff.

Another Day, Another Heartbreak

I found out last night that Andrea's dad was hit by a drunk driver and killed on Monday night. I don't even know what to feel about this. I just wanted to sit down and cry, which is being completely overemotional. I didn't even know her dad. I met him like, twice. Maybe. But as my mother so nicely pointed out, I can just turn off the feelings, so whatever. No crying.

I'm just so tired of going to funerals. I've had enough. I've had enough of people dying before they should. And it really annoys me that the guy and his friend that hit Andrea's dad just walked away from the accident. I know I'm a terrible person for thinking so, but it really is just not fair. It was their fault, their stupidity. They shouldn't have just walked away unscathed.

When will it end?

Duke's Night

I went out with 9H to Duke's tonight. I don't want to be one of those people that's moved out but is still constantly on the floor, but I do like seeing everyone. Anywho, Duke's was fun. I watched people play quarters, was introduced to some guy named James as "Tiffany" by Meaghan (Lynds was "Barb") and then was hit on by a guy named Clayton. I think. I was just standing at the table, minding my own business as he was pouring beer and chatting, when Jamie grabbed his butt and then blamed it on me. THREE TIMES!! lol. Bad news bears. So I ended up drinking with him and sitting at his table for awhile and then he gave me his number and all the 9H people plus me and Jolie walked back to Lister.

Then I walked Jolie back to his place as he was rather inebriated. I'm rather glad I did, as I would rather lose some sleep walking him home than wondering if he actually got there. Then four blocks to my place and here I am, slamming back the H2O, hoping I won't have a hang-over tomorrow. I mean, I only had 2, but that seems to be enough some nights. Clearly very pathetic.

I need sleep. And hydration. And to go to class tomorrow. Thusly, I am out.

Creepers...and NEW IKEA DESK

So I was coming home from Lister yesterday after dropping Willis's groceries off, and I was partway to the cross lights and this asian guy catches up with me. He talked to me all the way to Telus building. That's FIVE blocks. FIVE!!! He practically tried to follow me home. He kept asking me awkward questions...such as what was I doing tomorrow? I was most definitely going on a date with my boyfriend. How convienient for me. Then he asked me if me and my "boyfriend" were commonlaw. WHO ASKES THAT?! WHO? And then he asked me if I had any older sisters. Creep. Just looking for a wife, I know it. But he finally left me alone and I practically ran home, looking behind me frequently to make sure he wasn't following. UGH. I hate creeps.

But on a brighter note, I got my IKEA desk today! YAY. It fits so nicely in my room and everything. If only it didn't take TWO FRICKING HOURS to put together, it would have been perfect. It was somewhat frustrating. But I put the chair and the drawer together ALL BY MYSELF!!! Correctly, even!! It was a happy, happy event.

And this morning when I went out the door, there were two huge, black guys just passed out in the hallway. And puke on the stairs. It was just like Lister! Ew.

*sigh* I need to go cook supper soon. Rawr.

Alone Again (Well, Almost)

So I am officialy in the apartment, and I seriously need to get on the unpacking wagon. I got my books and my clothes put away last night, but that's pretty much it. It took a long time though, mainly because my books need to be placed in alphabetical order by author last name. And then if there's more than one by an author, in alphabetical order according to title (unless it's a series, then it's chronological). Of course the exception to this is my Dragonlance, which is all together in chronological order, neglecting author last name. It's a very complicated and neurotic system.

I really like Sarah. She seems really nice, and I think we'll get along well. She is also against leaving dirty dishes. I HATE dirty dishes left out. It's just gross. Ew.

Anywho, today's plan is to unpack, pick up carole's keys, and unpack some more. Whoo.

Ready or Not

Definitely not. Ready for school, I mean. I don't even know what textbooks I need. Mainly because I'm too lazy to look, but also because I'm still working and therefore should not have to think about school yet. So there.

Work has been alright. Got rained out today, so I'm just sort of ...sitting around, I guess. Very unproductive, but I don't really care. Got a new phrase for y'all though. Our crew got shuffled a bit this morning, so we were down to one water truck (instead of two), to which our remaining water guy responded "I'm going to be busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest!". Hehe. Okay, I thought it was funny. Seriously, I don't know where this guy comes up with these phrases. Weird newfies...

I'm tired and lonely and very much looking forward to moving into the apartment tomorrow night. And looking forward to seeing Siobhan on Sunday. And sleeping in my georgous double bed.

Days Until Moved Out: 4

And I can't wait. Honestly, I'm going crazy here. Added to her other stunning opinions of me, my mother apparently thinks I'm a heartless bitch. Not that she said the words, but she might as well have. It would have saved a lot of lecturing.

"Not everyone can turn their feelings off like you can."

Ya well, just because you don't see them, doesn't mean they aren't there. But really, thanks for coming out. Glad your opinion of me just keeps sinking. Let's see...what does that bring me up to? Oh right, I am a bitter, cynical, alcoholic bitch. Great. Does wonderful things for the old ego, doesn't it?

We buried my grandma's ashes yesturday. And I'm sure my "turning off of my feelings" was duly noted. There was only about a dozen of us, so it was nice. We had a luncheon afterward which mum and I mostly got together. And then cleaned up. And then the hour and a half car ride back. Ugh. I think the high point was, while I was trying to sleep, mum shouting "look! A train!". Wowee, a train. Be still my beating heart.

So ya, great times. I'm going to work. Woot.

A Night Out

So last night was Rabe's birthday outing, which was fun to the max. Stolle's was a pretty good bar, if a little loud. I think I've decided that my new favorite drink is vodka slime. Mmmm...vodka. I definitely had more than I should have though. Especially since I started grinding with some random guy of questionable attractiveness on the dance floor, who then proceeded to grope me. lol. Fabulous. Okay, I'm not going to lie, I've missed being manhandled :P , but that was just not cool.

Walking - stumbling - down Whyte was interesting. We stopped for pizza, and ohmygod it was the best pizza I've ever tasted. Possible because I was drunk. I'm not sure. But I enjoyed it at the time, so I think that's all that counts. I definitely slept in my clothes. It was pretty hot. I also woke up with a killer headache, but that I deserved lol.

Anyway, must pack.

La La LA

This week has been pretty darn boring. I watched oil dry today and Monday, and I'm going to have to watch it dry some more tomorrow. I object.

New Girl #3 is scary. Like, rave-going, occult, vampiric, streetwalker scary. Which brings me to the vulgar phrase of the week (compliments of #3): "it sucked more than an Asian whore in a porno film". Now really, was that phrase really necessary? Could we have done without the graphic description? I think so. I was disturbed and really didn't know what to say to that. So I used my imaginative "oh" I like to bring out when I have nothing better to say.

But anywho, I have some phone calls to make. Thusly, I'm off.

As stolen from Willis (becaue I'm lame and bored)

A is for Age: 19. Thaaaaaaaat's right. I'm getting over the hill!

B is for beer of choice: ew. I don't drink beer.

C is for career: I don't have a carreer yet. I'm still trying to make it through the summer without killing myself.

D is for your dog's name: Heidi. My mom's choice, don't blame me.

E is for essential item you use everyday: umm...toothpaste?

F is for favorite song at the moment: I have no favorite song...I'm songless...*tear*

G is for favorite game: well, you see, me and meagan like to play this game at work... lol. I don't play games very often.

H is for home town: Da Fort, yo

I is for instruments you play: Piano.

J is for favorite juice: ew. I hate juice. Unless it contains vodka. Then it is permissable to drink juice.

K is for whose ass you'd like to kick: several peoples' asses need kicking. SEVERAL

L is for last hug?: umm..probably my daddy lol

M is for marriage: Daddy's arranging one for me, I'm sure.

N is for name of your last ex: Mark

O is for overnight hospital stays: none? I think?

P is for phobias: Creepy old men who hit on me. Ew. Gross.

Q is for quotation: "Forgive many things in others; nothing in yourself." - Ausonius

S is for status: status of what? I don't know what you're talking about. Go away.

T is for time you wake up: 5 am weekdays, 6 or 7 am weekends

U is for underwear: well now, that depends on who's asking *wink*. What do you want me to wear?

V is for vegetables you love: ummm peas? Yellow beans? I dunno, veggies = delicious

W is for worst habit: procrastination definitely.

X is for x-rays you've had: Teeth, finger, toe

Y is for yummy food you make: cookies, sweet and sour chicken

Z is for zodiac: Leo RAWR!

Get'er Done

Thursday was "hot as a two dollar hooker" according to one of the water guys. I admit, it was rather warm, but what made it truly terrible was that we were supposed to train a new girl, but she had to sit on her own anyway, so no training got done. I even had to go reprimand her because she was sitting in her car with her coveralls undone and no hardhat on. NOT acceptable.

We should have been rained out right away yesturday, but no, our temporary leadhand for the week decided to wait for two bloody hours to see if it would let up, and then when it was sprinkling, decided to try and slam in two loads. Well, half-way into the first load (whilst I was in the middle of packing with the padfoot) it started chucking it down. Good job leadhand. So we had to leave the road a bloody mudhole because it is impossible to work with cement in the pouring rain. In consolation, meagan and I went out for lunch at BP, which was delicious.

Then I came home, did the shopping with daddy, went to see grandpa, and then went out for dinner. Then we came home, I put everything away and then promptly fell asleep on the couch while we were watching amovie. What a grand life I lead.

I feel like I haven't had a summer at all, and I really don't want to work or go to school or anything. I hate life. It should just go and piss off. So there.

Life...Or Something Unlike It

So I think I have succeeded in making quite the mess of my life, don't you? I'm working two jobs (which I hate), I have absolutely no social life, I come home from a nine-hour shift to have supper (sometimes) and then go outside and help with yardwork or help daddy make preserves, then possible read before I go to bed and end up not sleeping for most of the night. And then I get to get up and do it all over again. The kicker is, I'm trying to make enough money to go back to a university I couldn't care less about to take a bunch of courses I hate taught by profs who don't give a damn whether I pass or not while I bust my ass somemore at a job I don't have yet to try and make enough money to continue going to aforementioned uni. Plus I don't get on with my mum at all, my grandpa is moving at the end of the month and trying to get rid of everything that we want and are trying to snatch before he chucks it, I feel horrible because I cry myself to sleep every other night because I miss talking to Mark but I know I did the right thing for me, and I just want to slap a fair number of people around at both my jobs because they're idiots.

And the real annoyance of the matter is, no matter what the hell I do to try and fix things, I manage to screw up even more. So I'm thinking maybe I should just stop. Stop trying to fix things, stop caring, stop...trying to live. Just...stop.

Pieces of my Life

The pieces of my life are currently lying around me, waiting to be boxed and labled, organized into their proper places. Wouldn't it be wonderful if it were really that easy? As it is, three quarters of my books are waiting to be boxed up, along with various notes, movies, school supplies and the rest of the junk that comprises my life. So far, seven boxes await the 25th, when they will begin their trip to their new home. You may think I'm starting a little early, but really I have only today and the 20th to pack my things. I'm a very busy girl, after all.

I promised Louis I'd party it up Fort Style with him come September. Don't let me forget! I also have to remember to pick up Carole's keys on the 1st, change one of my accounts to a chequeing account before I move, pay my confirmation deposit, write out a rent cheque, and several other things which I've forgotten for the moment but am confident that I will remember eventually. Perhaps I should make a list.

My room needs to be emptied of my things and cleaned before my grandpa moves in at the beginning of September. I think I'm going to need a miracle. Or just some motivation. Either way, things need to be done.

Off to organize my life into boxes. It's just that easy.

Floating on the Edge of the World

I just finished an 11 hour shift and I am exhausted. I don't know why I bother to volunteer to cover shifts when people don't show up. It's not like anyone really cares all that much. But I am getting 2 hours overtime pay, so it's not like I was taking one for the team.

This week, I feel so...detached from reality. It's like, I'm there and I'm doing the work, but my mind is completely disengaged. I feel like I'm just floating around. Something like an out of body experience, I suppose, except I'm hovering just above where I should be. It sounds completely crazy and wierd, but that's how it's been. I just feel...not a part of anything. I rather like it, actually. It keeps me numb and secluded from any feelings. Which is nice, because I think I would go crazy otherwise.

But I don't make sense. I need sleep. And a vacation.

Randomness

I thought I'd share some of the random (and sometimes disturbing) things said by people on my crew:

"I'll tell you when you've had enough!"
"He's the kind of guy that would fuck you up the arse without giving you the courtesy of a reach-around."
"I need a beer."
"Look out, here comes Yappy McFuckStick."
"Walk it off!"
"Did that stupid fuck fuck up again?"
"Don't listen to him, he's an asshole with no neck."

Yes...we work...sometimes.

And Then There Was One

I think breaking it off with Mark was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I never want to ever do something like that again. There were several reasons, most of which I don't really want to put down here. Suffice to say that I'm a horrible person and will probably feel guilty for the rest of my life. But I did what I thought was best for me, and I can't regret that. And a part of me will always love Mark, although it will never be in the way that he deserves.

But life is what you make it right? And so far I've made quite the mess of it, but perhaps I'll pick up the pieces a little better this time. After I'm done crying over them, that is.

Imperfection at its finest

You know, I realize that I am about as far from perfect as it is possible to get. I know I go on about my high ideals and unreachable expectations, and then turn around and do the opposite. I realize that I am hypocritical and unreasonable and hold people to higher standards than they can achieve.

I also hold myself to those expections, though. And I am ten times harder on myself when I fail than I am on other people. It may not look it, but I do try to do my best at all times. I know I will never be perfect, but I will never stop putting pressure on myself to try harder, because I know what I am capable of achieving and I will never be happy with less than 100% of my effort. You may not approve, but I don't care, because it is what I think of myself that counts.

And I will never be happy with less than my best.

"Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result of our labours is an amazing variety of imperfectness. We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways." - Samuel McChord Crothers

The End.

Thus ends the crappy week at Job #1. Seriously, if next week is not better, there will be several people missing appendages. I am that annoyed. And if I ever see that old, creepy guy again, he will be missing a certain part of his anatomy that I'm sure he would rather keep. Not that he was particularly bad, but I was in no mood for it today. He came driving up, I did my spiel, and then he was all "hey, you're cute". I thought "get the hell off my construction site, you creepy bastard", but instead said "okay, you have a nice day". Look at that control. How admirable.

I think I shall become one of those people who downs a beer when they get home from work every night. Or, in my case (since I hate beer), a vodka something. Ooohhhh, that would be heaven. No wonder people become alcoholics. Alright people, get me ready for AA, because by the end of working to pay off uni, I'm going to need it.

"Alcohol is a very necessary article... It makes life bearable to millions of people who could not endure their existence if they were quite sober." - George Bernard Shaw

Bad Day?

Join the club. Hate working? Me too. We should make up t-shirts. And have a slogan. And a secret handshake. You know, all that dumb stuff clubs have.

Today was particularly terrible, but I don't think I want to share about that. There would be some choice words said, and on the remote chance that someone stumbles over this (ya, like that's going to happen), I don't think it would be a good idea to be maligning my boss/crew/random people. Well...by name anyway.

So...let's see...work sucks ... other work sucks because I hate working...as per usual my personal life is in ruins because I'm completely inept and uncapable of saying what I really want for fear of hurting everyone else...I talk to to pretty much no one other than the people I work with and my parents (althought that is by my own choice/laziness, I suppose)...so ya. My life pretty much still sucks. But hey, I'm making money, so who cares, right?

"Death destroys a man, but the idea of death saves him" - Anatole France

Cowboy-up

I have heard that more often than I care to count from my dad over the years. No joke, I've literally been told to "cowboy-up" and get over whatever I'm whining about. I was told just the other week, in fact.

But you know what, I'm tired of Cowboying-up. No matter how much I lie to myself, I honest-to-God hate my life. And pretty much always have, despite the fact that, in reality, I've never had all that much to complain about. But I'm going to complain anyway because this is my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want.

And I hate the fact that I have to work two jobs in order to pay for uni. I hate that I need to go to uni in order to have some remote chance of getting a better job than the two I have now. I hate that my grandpa is dating women so soon after my grandma died, and I hate that he's moving out of the last house that I have memories of her in, into a dumb condo where nothing will have that familiarity and sentiments attached. I hate that I now feel awkward around Evan. I hate that I have no free time. I hate that I hardly sleep. I hate that I starve myself because I want to be thin. I hate that I regularly avoid looking in the mirror. I hate being this far away from Siobhan, because she is one of two people that completely understand me and my decisions and love me anyway, even though I definitely don't deserve it. I hate feeling older than most people in my age-group. I hate that I have rediculously high expectations, yet feel hurt when people don't live up to them. I hate that it is no longer possible for me to close my eyes and make the world go away. And I truly wish that it would. I hate that I regularly wish to fall asleep and never wake up. And I hate that I see so many flaws in myself, yet do almost nothing to fix them. In short, I hate my life, and wish I could somehow escape.

But no such luck.

Two and a half years today. That's a rather long time.

A Long Time

I'm just plain terrible at updating. But really, if you were up at 5am every morning, you would be too. So, what to say...

Friday, I ended up taking my dad into town after work because his truck had been taken in to get fixed and he needed a ride to get it, so Mark and I didn't end up leaving the Park until 6-ish. The ride down wasn't all that bad besides everyone doin between 140 and 160 km/h. So I went 130. And then we missed our turnoff on Deerfoot because the sign is miniscule, so we drove to the turnoff to High River before we realized, hey, there is no HWY 1 down here and had to turn around. So we were a bit late to Siobhan's. But the weekend was really fun, and I got to meet Mike and Brady and Jessica, and Jamie came up for the day. So basically, Medicine Hat = fun. The drive back was a bit better, but my air conditioning created a lake in the passenger seat, so that was annoying to clean up once I got home.

And then back to work yesturday. It was far too hot, but one of our leadhands (we have two this week) let us go home an hour early because we finished quickly, so that was really nice.

And that's really all there is to say. I'm back to my routine, I can't wait to see Siobhan in the fall, and I wish I could have stayed down there for a month. But such is life. Suck it up, princess.

So tired.

I worked 7am - 6pm today. And would have worked until 6 30 or 7 except Melissa broke the packer, so we had to quit. And I'm so tired. And not even hungry. I made some eggs mayonnaise for supper for posterity's sake, but decided putting it on bread was too much effort, so I ate half of it by itself. And now feel slightly sick and faintly disgusted. Or is it faintly sick and slightly disgusted? Ah, who cares. I just want to go to bed.

But I should pack a bit first. Because I'M GOING TO MEDICINE HAT ON FRIDAY!!!! I'm excited, can you tell?

God I'd love a nice, cold drink right about now. Preferably of some sort of vodka cooler. *sigh* That would be nice.

Monday = Crap

So today started out rather shitty. My foreman got in trouble for telling us to do overtime last week without clearing it with the higher-ups, so he was grouchy, which made him grouchy at my leadhand, which made him rather grouchy. It was not a fun morning.

However, I do have some rather fun news: there is an official tie for Stupidest Person Award today! I know, you're all just thrilled. The first award goes to the suprisingly polite, somewhat good-looking, rather stupid guy who drove full-speed on the freshly oiled road. Congratulations! You win a brand-new coat of oil...on your CAR!!!!!!!!!! The second award goes to the idiot who, after driving for a mile on the freshly oiled road (past signs that said SLOW FRESH OIL and numerous traffic cones) stops and asks me "Was I driving on oil?". No genius, it was icing. Lick the pavement and see how it tastes. And, of course, honourable mentions to all the morons who drove on the side of the road with the fresh oil signs and traffic cones (and swerved around the cones to continue on the oiled side). I hope you all enjoyed your swim in the shallow end of the gene pool.

In other news...there is no other news. I have no life, what do you expect?

Happy birthday grandma, we miss you.

Random Musings Far Too Early In The Morning

Mark and I went and saw The Break-Up last night; totally awesome movie (even if it is a chick-flick), go see it. For those of you, like me, who had no idea what the movie was because you don't watch tv, here's the basic premis: Jennifer Aniston feels unappreciated by her boyfriend (Vince Vaughn) and after a dinner party when he doesn't even think to help clean up (choosing to play a video game instead), she yells at him and tries to get her point across but he doesn't get it. So they break up. She still likes him, wants him back, so starts a rediculous back-and-forth game where each of them try to make the other jealous. But by the end, Aniston gives up and THEN Vaughn figures out what she's been trying to tell him. Anywho, I won't ruin the ending, but there is a rather poignant scene in which I almost cried. No joke. But I am a big wuss, after all.

It just kind of illustrated what I was feeling near the end of the year in Lister when everything fell apart. Well, among other things. I am just NOT articulate in anyway and am unable to express what I feel. Anywho, moral of the story is: Aniston is hot, and you get to see her naked once. Good movie.

I get to open today, which I actually enjoy more than any other shift. Mainly because I'm home by 5pm, which is always nice. And I'll be phoning Siobhan tonight to see what's up and be all excited for the July long, because Mark and I are going down there. Just think, it's the weekend after next!

But I really need to finish getting ready for work.

TWO

I am posting TWO days in a row! How exciting. I was rained out at like, 1pm this afternoon, so I went and fueled up and then sat at home, waiting for my phone call from Mark to tell me to come over. Which didn't come, *sigh*. Apparently, I'm not love...*whimper* Somebody hold me!

I'm thinking that if it's still raining in the morning, I will once again have no work. And then will be working 11hours every day next week to make up for it. But oh wells.

Anywho. I'm gone.

Mare is Tired. The End.

I put in almost 11 hours today, and I am tired. And I put in 10 yesturday. Woot for overtime! People are getting to know my face. They dream of it nightly, and in their dreams they stab my face with the antennae of their cell phones. It's inevitable. I really can't help that there's construction on their road and that's it's lasting all week. Really, I'm at the bottom of the pole here. I have no authority. So far, the only person who hasn't seemed to notice any inconvienience is the guy with his cell phone glued to his ear every evening. I've seen him for three days in a row, and every day he stops, rolls down his window, makes some strange motion with his hand that evidently means 'tell me what you want' (while talking on the phone), and then smiles after I tell him, and continues on his merry way, still talking in his cell phone. He is the kind of guy who causes accidents. I'm just waiting to be called as a witness.

However, my Stupidest Person Award for the day goes to the kid in the van who, after I told him to stay on the left and go slow because there was cement on the right, roars down the right side of the road into the cement and THEN decides to move to the left. Great job, champ, you deserve an award. Now go drive into the lake. Your van needs to be washed.

Mark has an interview at NAIT tomorrow for admission, so keep your fingers crossed.

I'm done. Off to Bedfordshire.

All I Want Is Freedom, A World With No More Night

I heart Phantom of the Opera.

I worked today, which was fairly fun. Then, I came home and ate supper, talked to daddy while he ate supper (he was home late), and then I mowed the lawn until Siobhan called. Quite the exciting day. I also took a shower, but I'm sure you all know that I bathe at times.

Really, I have nothing of interest to say. Work is work. I enjoy working a decent amount (certainly not an embarrassing amount, I hope). At least, I hate having nothing to do; therefore work is quite a welcome event with which to occupy my time. Although, on another note, I have been getting quite the influx of junkmail. To what is this attributed? Has everyone noticed an increase in junkmail, or am I just odd?

I went to Mark's on Saturday night after work, which is always enjoyable. But, I feel the need to point out, he did NOT, in fact, let me know that Sense and Sensibility was on the television, and we didn't watch it. Which makes me a very put-off person. Theb, empathize with me here.

But I need to go to bed. Sleep tight!

People are Stupid. The End.

Work was okay, but annoying in some parts today. Like the lady that went through my stop sign, told my foreman I hadn't stopped her, who proceeded to phone me and tell me to do my job. I WAS doing my job. I was standing in the middle of the fricking road wearing a lime green jumpsuit, hard had, and holding a stopsign. Please tell me what part of that was NOT doing my job. Nothing. That's what I thought.

Plus this old guy stopped beside me for no apparent reason (I had the SLOW sign up) just to tell me that I had a crappy job. Thanks. That's nice.

*sigh* Anywho, I'm just sitting here, icing my knee and heating my back. I think I'm falling apart lol. But that's okay. As long as I'm making money while I do it. The goal is to make it through this year without having to take out a loan. We'll see how it goes.

"Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say that there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe." - Frank Zappa

Work, work, work.

I work seven days a week. In fact, I'll probably be averaging about 60 hours a week. Crazy. But today was special as it was my first day back at sobeys. But there really isn't much to say about that. I had to stay an hour extra to help close because Tara was ill (has an ulcer or summat), but I didn't really mind. Some guy kept telling me to smile and look how pretty I was when I smiled and Spencer should be around the front of a la carte more because why would he not be when there's a girl as pretty as me there. It was slightly creepy and also very embarrassing as tonight was the first night I've talked to Spencer in my entire life. Some people have too much time on their hands.

You're going to have to forgive me while I get this next bit off my chest. In fact, completely ignore it if you want.

I saw Cody tonight as he was going through the store. Not that he saw me. I, of course, kepts my head down so he wouldn't recognize me. Why do I do that? It's ... vexing because it seems so irrational after the fact. But when I see him I feel like I've been punched in the stomache and it just seems natural to duck. And he looked good. Sometimes, there is the smallest part of me that misses him. Does that make me a terrible girlfriend? I love Mark so much and I wouldn't change a thing for the world, but I can't help how I feel. And God knows I've tried. I just don't know anymore. I don't know myself. I wish it didn't hurt anymore. I wish I wouldn't torture myself with every wrong thing I've ever done. But it does, and I do.

And so it goes.

Sunburn and Freckles

Theb, I hate to tell you but, despite 4 applications of suncreen today, I got burned. Again. I also think that I'm as freckled as it is possible to be, but I'm assured by my parents that there are a few spots left. Huzzah (in the most sarcastic tone possible).

I was also called pudgy by my dad last night. I leaned over to give him a kiss goodnight, and my mum's all "couldn't he have made your shamrock a little more pudgy?" And I'm all "that's how I wanted it", just as my dad's all "there's lots of pudge right here *pinches my lovehandles*" It's always nice to be complimented (more sarcasm). And thank you very much I've lost a few pounds since coming home, so there. Whatever.

I'm tired and will probably be in bed by 8pm. Pathetic.

Boring post

After being duly reprimanded by Willis, I am posting. But I really have nothing to say. I worked today (as per usual) and was sunburned, but as we got payed today, I'm not really complaining. And hey, I'm making good money. Plus what I'll be making working weekends at Sobeys. Yeah, I work seven days a week, but it's only for three more months, and I'm making money. To spend on tuition and rent. God that's depressing. However, seeing the paycheck that I'll be spening on tuition and rent makes me happy for now. After all, I could be in debt come september, but I won't be. Well, with any luck.

And, because it fits today quite nicely, I shall leave you with a quote:

"You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public" - Scott Adams

When I Get Where I'm Going

Fantastic song. Too bad I don't know where I'm going.

I don't know what it is about living here, but I can't handle it. I just get..so depressed. And I don't even know what about. And I'm trying so hard not to let it win. But I'm fighting a losing battle, and what's worse, I know it. All the old habits will win in the end. They always do.

So I throw myself into work and books, and wait for september. Will I always feel so broken? White Oleander put it very nicely: "Stay away from broken people". And so you should. No good ever comes from it. Only hurt.

And I would rather hurt alone.

A Dream Within A Dream

And so life seems lately; like a dream of a dream. I sit around all day until a car comes (perhaps around 20 a day, if I'm lucky) and I fill in the rest of the nine hours with daydreaming. And peeing in a bush, if there happens to be an obligingly secluded looking spot. In the evenings, I read or go wherever with my parents. Lately, mostly reading.

But I do enjoy the reading. The escape. That's all it is really. All it's ever been. But that satisfies me, so I read from after dinner until time for bed usually.

But today, I dared to be different. Well, for about an hour and a half, anyway. I went to town, marched up to Pam, and then told her if she could use some weekend help, I could use the money. And thus I now have a weekend job. It's...reassuring, in a way. Lately, I've felt so off course, like I'm drifting away from the few goals I actually possess. And I do so hate having time to think. Especially as I tend to overthink everything, if I have the time. Probably why I never sleep well anymore, all the thinking runs into my dreams.

Have you ever been afraid of the future? I am. I want so desperately to embrace it, but at the same time I'm terrified of it. Nothing ever goes to plan, and all I can do to prepare myself for it, is to tell myself the worst that could possibly happen and try to reconcile myself with it. Perhaps not the best way of dealing with life, but I'd rather never let myself hope for too much than to be dissapointed over and over. And then again, perhaps my mother was spot on when she said I was cynical.

I don't mind so much anymore, though. I'd rather be cynical than be constantly dissapointed.

Another Day Nearer the Battle, Is Another Day Nearer the Grave

So, what can I say? Really, I don't do all that much. Sunday, I went to confirmation and then to Mark's, and thence to see the Davinci Code. Not really all that bad of a movie, as movies go. I haven't read the book though, so I don't feel all that qualified to judge.

Today was work. I got absolutely drenched because I was standing in the rain for at least an hour and a half before they decided the road was too mucky and called a rain-out. Not that I really minded getting wet, but it would have been nice if they had thought to issue our rain gear today. But whatcha gonna do? I'm just glad I decided not to wear my white shirt today, because we don't get our jumpsuits until the end of the week, so I wasn't wearing anything except a safety vest over my clothes.

I'm currently playing around with the idea of getting a weekend job. I'm definitely not going to be able to pay for res stuff without getting a loan, and I'm trying to avoid borrowing as much as I can. But I need one that would let me have the Canada Day long weekend off, and what are the chances of that? I would say not bad, being as every place you look, they're desperate for workers. But I don't know. I'll think on it for this week and decide next. No point in being hasty. Feel free to give advice or thoughts though.

End of Week 1

It is officially the end of Week 1 at work, and I can honestly say I've done almost no work. Okay, Mon - Thurs were supposed training days, so we weren't supposed to be doing work, but yesturday was just a joke. For the morning, our supervisor (Wade) had one of the new part-time girls (Germaine) shuttle us back and forth for our hearing tests. I, by the way, have excellent bilateral hearing. Take that. lol. So we all sat around the shop ALL morning. At one point, Wade had three of us sweep and pressure wash and squeegee the shop floor in General Services. Which was promptly re-dirtied about five minutes later. And then we sat around until lunch. I'm not even joking, we all (like, 12 of us) sat on our asses on the benches and at the table in general services until like, 12 30. Then Wade came in and asked who wanted to go home, and we all put our hands up.

Me, being the keener that I am, was all "If you have work for us to do, I'd rather do that, but if it's between sitting here or going home, I'll go home". So four of us ended up staying to do crappy work no one else wanted to do and the rest went home. (oh, I forgot to mention they had us pick garbage around the yard for all of 45 minutes. Big work there) So Germaine, Kyle, and I swept out the storage bay and then helped Robin fix signs, and Justin went and did summat else in the yard. And then we sat around some more. I figure we did all of 2 hours of work in the 8 hours we were there, so we were basically paid to sit around all day.

But Tuesday will be actual work, I hope. At least they'll issue our jumpsuits to us. Neon slime green, they are. Quite attractive, let me tell you. And we have to wear bright orange hard hats because flaggers sometimes get beer bottles chucked at them.

Oh, and another foreman, Terry, came in in the morning and practically interrogated us to find out who had connections to the county. There are two neices of one the head foremans, one lady whose father-in-law used to work for the county, a guy whose mum worked in the office at one point, and me. Can we say nepotism? lol. But really, it's just because no one else applied and they really needed workers. Whatcha gonna do?

Anywho, today is a lot of sitting around. And not going to bed at frickin 9pm. Because I sleep 9-5. Most people work 9-5. I feel so very old.

The Day of Outsideness

So, I started out today by putting on copious amounts of sunscreen and then talking with Gareth whilest waiting for everyone to show up. Because we are apparently the keeners. And no, Beth, I can't put in a good word for you because he's already taken. By the sister of a guy my dad worked with last year actually, and he's living with them for the year until his work/vacation visa runs out. And he met his girlfriend in Australia while they were working there. Talk about your small world.

Anywho, we went over safety stuff this morning, got our crew assignments (I'm flagging with Meaghan for the Base Stabilization Crew), and took a tour of the yard. Unfortunately for Meaghan and I, Gareth is a "townie" (on a cement crew in the Park), however this provides us with loads of opportunities to tease him. And about his murse, of course. And then us rural kids went off to practise flagging, driving the packer, and driving the one-ton with trailer for the afternoon. And I am now slightly more sunburnt. Woot.

Tomorrow is work around the yard and a hearing test. And hopefully no more sunburnyness. Because I can only get so red.

I am a certified flagger!

That's right, I have a handy dandy little card to prove it. Although I just about died as Bill took ALL FRICKIN MORNING to go over flagging stuff and repeated everything at least 3 or 4 times. I'm not even exaggerating. Thankfully, I had Meaghan and Gareth at my table, and we kept ourselves amused. That's right, I made a new friend today! He's the British or Colonial thereof guy. Well, he's actually British. From the Isle of Wight, if I'm being specific. And of course, we went outside for lunch today and I managed to get sunburnt. GAH! Forty minutes outside and I'm as red as a lobster.

This afternoon was much shorter. Probably because we were being rowdy as there was a whole bunch more people come in for WHMIS training. And tomorrow I'm in the shop learning about machinery and whatnot. Huzzah! And Gareth and Meaghan are with me again, so I'll have friends to talk to.

I have to go moisturize now.

And Days Go By

So I've finished Day 2 of orientation. Yesturday was boring as hell because it was just general orientation. Loads of speeches and whatnot. However, I met a girl named Meaghan who is very nice and another girl named Jeannie (also nice), and Danae was in orientation yesturday as well. Plus there's this guy that looks like Jared Padaleki (or however you spell it) and another guy that is rather cute and has some sort of accent (British or colonial thereof, I can never tell), so the eyecandy is appreciated. What else am I going to be doing while I'm supposed to be listening to speeches?

Today was first aid, so it was fun. We got to do a lot of hands on stuff. I was paired up with a girl (whose name escapes me...Chantelle?...Crystal? ..) and she was pretty fun, so it all worked out. Tomorrow is flagging training and WHIMIS at the County Hall, which should be..informative. Most likely boring, but whatevs. I'm getting paid for it, so it's all good.

Oh, I was in Walmart last night with my parents, and I lost my daddy, so I was looking for him, but I found my mum instead. And then I saw him coming down the isle, so I ran over to him and was all "I LOST YOU AND I WAS SO SCARED AND THERE WAS NOBODY TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!" You know, making an ass of myself. And then he gives me this look and tells me not to run. That's right, because nice girls don't run. Really! One day, I shall make a book of what nice girls don't do according to my daddy, and publish it and make a great deal of money. One day. Just wait and see.

Back and Still Alive

So I am now back from my weekend of babysitting and have successfully washed, shampooed, and moisturized the dog/dirty diaper smell from me. I babysat from 830am friday until 4pm tonight, and I am tired. Aside from CJ waking up every couple of hours through the night and either crying for a minute or calling for a bottle, and her ungodly awakening hours (read: 5 30am), the puppy sat beside my bead and whined ALL FRICKIN NIGHT! I don't think I've had more than a couple of hours sleep a night. However, I am now $150 ahead in life, which suits me just fine. But I declare here and now (and you'd better be reading this mark): There Will Be No Dogs Allowed In My House, Ever. Thus is the decree of Queen Mary. So let it be written, so let it be done.

And tomorrow is work, huzzah. Hopefully it should be at least an interesting day, what with this week being orientation and all.

That is all I have to say. You may leave now.

And it still drags on.

There really isn't all that much I can say about the past few days. I haven't done anything of note (go figure). And what can I say about home? I really don't want to be here. It's one redeeming virtue: it's not Lister. So for now, I tolerate it all. Badly, but whatever. At least I have the kitties to play with when they're not sleeping or eating (a whopping half an hour a day, wow).

If the rest of the summer goes by this slowly, I may be forced to throw myself into oncoming traffic. Because old habits die hard. Very hard indeed.

The Sticks, Alberta

So today, I was traipsing around Middle of Nowhere, The Sticks, Alberta. I'm pretty sure that was the address. You should send me a letter. My parents and I left the Fort at like 9am to go to some crappy auction sale on Green Grove Road, wherever the hell that is. Somewhere east of Camrose, anyway. And being as it was a waste of time, we continued on our merry way to Aunty Laurie and Uncle Roger's farm (just outside of Rosalind, if for some unknown and unexplainable reason you know where that is).

Aunty Laurie fed us a grand lunch and then we all five of us went to beautiful downtown Donelda (my god, do the hick towns never end?) to go to the antique stores. At one of which my daddy bought an old 78 record player. What a piece of junk. However, I got to see a player piano in action, which was in very good shape. And then back to the farm again (after touring the countryside, of course) to pick up a box and then on to some dairy farm a mile down the road.

I love the smell of the farm, odd as that may seem. We went into one of the milk barns and the guy gave us a family of cats; a momma and four kittens. Which we had a hell of a time stuffing into the box. Oh, the kittens went in no problem as they were too little to put up any protest, but that momma kitty did NOT want to be in the box. But we ductaped and baleing twined her in anyway. Farmer's best friend, those two articles lol.

And then back to the farm for drinks and then home. Where we set up the kitties in the dog crate with some hay and rags and milk. Quite comfortable, if I do say so myself.

And that was my day. FINALLY, I got out of my house.

So...who am I, again?

So, being as Mark was ill today, I was, once again, left by myself to do nothing all freaking day. Really, it was great. I got up at 7, drank tea for an hour while I read, then I made myself a smoothie and read for another hour, followed by washing some fabric and, gasp!, more reading! and that only brought me to like, 9 30 ish. But it goes up from there, really, just listen. Next, I straightened my hair, got dressed, threw my fabric in the dryer, and did my makeup, all by 10 30! Aren't you amazed at my day so far? I know I am. Then Mark called to tell me he was ill, so I got dressed back into house clothes, washed off my makeup, read for a while, and then scrubbed the porch steps. And from there on, my day was basically a lot of reading intersperesed with getting up to get a drink and make lunch. Really, it was grand.

And that is basically the routine I've had all week and will continue to be my routine until next friday. What a great life I lead. At least I get to break up the monotony by babysitting from 8 30 friday morning until Sunday afternoon. Then work on Monday!

Seriously, I'm about to chuck myself out the first available window.

Silence is Golden.

Now really, I've never been one to advocate silence. Hell, I'm the one that is forever singing (rather loudly, I might add) everywhere, or pounding on the piano, or playing music, or genereally just making noise.

But I was cooped up with my mother from 8 am until 5 10pm non-stop... ALONE. And my mother NEVER stops talking. Which, normally, would be fine. But my mother has this annoying habit of saying the same thing AT LEAST three times over during the course of a day (and I'm honestly not exaggerating), and even when I tell her that she's told me already, she still carries on with the entire story. And of course the telling me what to do which she terms "being a mother" or "trying to help" really burn me up. I mean, I realize she's not honestly trying to make me miserable, but sometimes it really seems like it. And today, I re-learned how much I enjoy silence. Especially in cars.

In other news, I am currently reading Lost Girls by Andrew Pyper under recommendations by Siobhan. Actually, so far it's quite good. Plot line is a bit slow, but I have time.

I'm also going to start trying to learn how to sew tomorrow. THAT should be quite an amusement in itself. I'll keep you updated.

Carry on.

The Production Possibilities Frontier

Also reffered to affectionately as the "PPF curve". For the past couple of days, I definitely have been working within my PPF curve. In fact, let me diagram:



Pretend there are axis involved because I forgot to draw them in (just your standard x and y please, no need to imagine anything else). The curve is my potential production when I operate at full capacity; that is, when I use all resources effectively. The dot is where I currently stand in production. Because it lies under the curve, and not on it, I am producing less than I could potentially be producing, and thus am inefficient. Thusly, I am procrastinating mightily and not doing anything. Take that econ!

However, i would like to point out that I did, in fact, read an entire book today. So it wasn't a complete waste of time. Sort of. *sigh* I need something to do...

Nothing!

That's exactly what I did today: Nothing! And because this stupid thing erased my post, I'm going to have to re-write. But you know what? It was really boring anyway, so I'm not going to write what I had. Instead, I shall leave you with this. HA HA FUNNY!

Home again, home again

I'm back for the summer. Not really all that thrilling, but it is way better than Lister, thus I am satisfied. For the moment. However, my room is a complete disaster zone as I'm still in the middle of unpacking, and re-packing things for storage, and laundry and all of the other things that must be done.

Such as spending the day with Evan. Which was fantastic. We watched extended edition LORT: FOTR, and ran around town, and then watched Wimbeldon. I heart Paul Bettany. He's hott. I'm not going to lie, he really is. Seriously, who wouldn't do Paul Bettany? Because if you wouldn't, you'd be crazy. He's right up there with Hugh Grant and Colin Firth for georgeousness.

I also got to hold Evan's niece, and she is about the cutest thing ever. Seriously, I almost stole her. I should have. I'm sure Lisa and Lee wouldn't have minded ...

Anywho, being as I'm very busy and important (name that movie reference), I shall leave you with a quote from Wimbledon:

"My parents are still together, which proves that love isn't just blind, it's bloody stupid." - Peter Colt (Paul Bettany)

Life...and all things related

So I haven't posted in a little while. No suprise, really. However, life has been a bit of a muck lately and I have nothing to say that doesn't sound like I'm wallowing in self-pity and whining...which I am, but I don't always like putting it out there for everyone to see.

Easter was just a dissapointment and a half. Mark, being Mark, fell asleep at 1 in the afternoon and didn't wake up until I phoned him at 4 40 to ask him if he was on his way on the LRT. Which he wasn't. And as dinner was at 5 and I was waiting until 20 min to for Mark, I didn't get home in time. So, I missed dinner with my family, which was a bit of a big deal to me since it was our first easter without grandma and daddy and I were supposed to get dinner together. But so much for that idea.

And school has just been ... stupid. I hate living at Lister. I know I whine about it a lot, but I really do hate it. I hate the food so much I don't really eat anymore. I hate living on a floor where no one gets a long anymore and stupid things just piss me off and I hate living in a place where people feel that they can leave crap all over. Seriously, the elevators and the lounges and just lister in general are distgustingly filthy. I truly think I've picked up some sort of paracite. And I just don't want to study anymore. Not that I've done a whole heck of a lot, but I'm ready for it to be over. As much as I hate being home, I just want to leave here so bad that I'm looking forward to moving back.

And you know what? Guys suck. There are days where I feel like becoming a lesbian because it would make things a hell of a lot easier. And those days are coming closer and closer together. Or, even better, why don't I just go back to the days of arranged marriages. I could do that. Much easier. Presto! You're married, start making babies wench!

Ahhh, the good old days.

Easter

Easter has been...well..Easter I guess. Not much to say about it. We had dinner on Good Friday for my mum's side of the family, and dad's side is coming out tonight. And I've accomplished basically nothing when it comes to studying for bio, which is just fan-bloody-tastic. But I suppose today and tomorrow I'll just have to go hardcore. But hey, I got to watch a week's worth of Corronation Street this morning, so I'm happy.

Daddy and I went to the Easter Vigil last night, which was rather long. We have some long-winded Polish priest this year, and boy does he go on. About nothing, really. And I was about ready to chuck Marg Critchley out the window, but really, who wasn't?

I always like to watch people come into church. A little creepy, but I like looking out for people I know. Well, really it comes from watching for my grandparents and my aunt and uncle when I was younger, back in the day when we used to go to the same mass and all sit together. Anyway, I was watching and this lady came in and went to sit in a pew and for a minute I thought it was my grandma. I almost pointed her out to my daddy, but then I remembered.

You know, I don't even know if I want to have Easter dinner. It won't be the same. It's not even at grandma's house. I just...wish she was here still. She made the holidays feel exciting, and now it's just going to be like we're trying too hard. And I'd rather just not do anything. At least that way it wouldn't hurt so much.

So much embarrassment

So I just got finished bawling on the phone to my mum not 20 minutes ago. And I don't even know why. I'm completely and utterly at the end of my proverbial rope, and there is no easily definable reason for it. I just know that I'm tired of university and I want to go home.

But I can't. Unfortunately, I have a final tomorrow night and a lab exam on thursday. Then I can go home. Still doesn't help the fact that I was basically crying for half an hour, and then was seen by Adam in my full puffy-eyed, red-faced glory. Great. Whatever.

I am now in SUB, and will hopefully commence studying for history at any moment. Really, I'm just praying for divine intervention or a strategically placed lightning bolt for tomorrow night, but as neither of those options seems likely, I ought to get down to the studying. Woot.

So much for a better year.

And so, I am back again

Because I know you can't live without me. It's just a fact. However, I've really nothing to say, once again.

I got a tattoo. Pictures may be forthcoming. My parents don't know as of this moment, but I'm hoping they won't be tooo angry. After all, if they ever want grandchildren, they kind of need me. Plus I'm going to give them a girl guide cookie each to munch on when I tell them, and that would make anyone happy. Really, who doesn't like girl guid cookies.

I was violated by a cement barrier on my way to my lab this morning. In fact, it almost took my skirt right off. Here I was, minding my own busness, walking over the barrier when all of a sudden it grabs my skirt and just about pulls it right off! It was highly inappropriate. I should report it to the proper authorities.

But rachel said I could have a few virgins tonight, so it's all good. Perhaps I'll take their virginety (pronounced vir-JY-net-ee).

Long time, no see.

So...I haven't blogged in awhile. But there really hasn't been anything interesting happen in my life, (as much as I hate the phrase) I'm not going to lie.

School is..well, school. It's hard to motivate myself to go to class and, more often than I should, I completely fail and stay home. I pulled an all-nighter on Sunday to get an essay done and have barely slept this week for God knows what reason. Sleep hates me. I know it. So basically, school is the devil. The end.

Lister. Lister is..questionable. Floor drama is vexing and somewhat stressful, despite the fact that I'm not in any of it. Just the fact that it creates tension annoys me. I really think we're the only floor that has this much tension. Seriously, Main all sleeps together and they're fine. Someone says something the wrong way and we're in an uproar. That's right, and upROAR. I just don't get it. And it doesn't come from having two girls wings, because the other wing pretty much keeps to itself. I just don't know anymore. All I can say is, I'm happy to be going to ECV next year, despite the fact that living arrangements have been thrown to hell.

And I have no idea why, but I feel so completely stressed that I randomly burst out crying. Even in class. Frankly, it's embarrasing. But you know what, I don't care anymore. I just want it to go away. In fact, I just want to sleep, but since that doesn't seem to be happening, I'll accept the going away.

But hey, it's not everyday that Siobhan flashes me in SUB, just today. In fact, I saw an entire boob. That's right. Me, and the rest of SUB. Oh yeah.

Oh, the Updatething

Despite having nothing of interest to say, I am updateing. Because my Theb has commanded it. But what to tell you?

Well, in the washroom in CAB basement (I'm sure you ladies have visted it), there is a stall that has a lot of writing on it.

Products of our environment

=

Productive members of society

Now really, do you have nothing better to do in the stall than write? Perhaps micturating, by chance? Because that's what I do when I'm in a bathroom stall. Apparently I'm supposed to be writing messages.

I finally have my schedule sorted for next year. It just pretty much sucks. But what are you going to do? Nothing. That's right, i said it. Nothing.

And because I have nothing interesting to tell you (except perhaps that I have new unmentionables), I am going to stop now. So there.

One Day Nearer to Dieing

Well, there's lots to say about this week, but we'll see how much I get posted because, let's face it, I'm lazy. And hungry. But mostly lazy.

Thursday was a day and a half, let me tell you. Siobhan and I went to WEM because she wanted me to see a dress and I needed printer ink, so that was productive. On our way out, we saw these three 14 year old hoes and one was wearing a shirt that covered pretty much nothing. I mean it was cut down to her belly button and her A-cup bralessness was pretty much falling out all over the place. And yes, I was staring. I mean, that was the point of the shirt (or lack thereof), was it not? Well, snotty friend decided it wasn't was all "WHAT?!" as we walked by and then snickered to her friends. How cool. And then we had our margarita party, which was fantabulous. I definitely had three and a half shots and felt delightful after. Patches gave Kris* a massage that was apparently so good that Kris would "take it up the ass for a massage". Anywho, after many interesting things that I don't particularly remember, Kris and Jamie went home, and Siobhan and I stayed over in Mark's huge ass bed. God I love that bed. And then I had an 8 o'clock lab on Friday morning. Woot.

We went to the dinner theatre Eating Raoul staring Creepy Guy** because Brad was in it and he wanted me to come, so a bunch of us went. It was actually pretty funny, and the food was fairly good. Especially the desert. And then later I definitely fell asleep at Mark's without realizing it and Siobhan left me and I woke up at 9 30am and realized holy shit I have to get ready for choir today! AHHHHHHHHHHHH and why the hell was I dreaming about Dom...And where the hell am I? It was quite the stressful waking up. I don't reccommend it. And then choir was just long and boring and stupid, so I won't comment on that vexatiousness.

And now it's today. Huzzah! Time to do homework...


*who was incredibly drunk, I might add
** who happens to be in two of my classes...buhhh

Check 'em out!

Seriously though, Penny Arcade is hilarious. Even for me, and I don't do computers. Check 'em out!

Vexation

I (dramatic pause) am VEXED. This has really been just a crappy month/after Christmas altogether. I didn't go to econ this morning (once again) because I was up until 2 30 with Mark and was far too tired to go. And then I was almost late for Spanish, which is never good, but hey, it was a crappy class anyway, so I might as well have been. And then I got practically no homework done this afternoon, and I can't even remember what I did with my day. Highlight: I got to see my bit on the side whom I haven't seen in far too long (and, by the by theb, I've decided to take music 103 for fine arts requirement after all).

Trying to plan out next year's schedule was incredibly frustrating and I need to go see an advisor, I think. Thursday. GOD! I hate uni right now. And then I went to History, and only stayed for half of it because it was boring as hell and I was doing Spanish instead anyway. And then I lied to my prof so I could get my essay outline at break so I wouldn't have to stay for the whole class. Great.

Fricken hell, I tried to do so well on my essay outline and instead I got a pointed "learn how to use a database" comment. And then she told me that my format was wrong, which she didn't tell us how to do in the first place. In fact, I believe her example of an essay started with "In this essay I will..." GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. If anything, one would think that a university prof, especially a history prof, would know that that is NEVER the proper way to start an essay. EVER. Seriously, I just want to throw a book of essays at her and tell her to go back to english 10. Hell, go back to Grade 7 Language Arts. Seriously woman, Siberia couldn't have been that lacking. Well, it could have, but obviously she managed to become a prof.

And all this crap on floor is getting to me a little. I'm trying to be impartial, but sometimes I just want to shake people and tell them that none of this really matters. However.

And my mum called me last night and talked to me for a fricken hour. Half of which was her crying and whining over the phone about how stressed she is and how daddy is being mean to her and how she can't handle everything and Mary-Ellen What Should I do?!. You know what, just once I would really like HER to be the parent. Just ONCE. I'm tired of trying to manage her life and tell her everything is going to be okay and suggesting things she could do when she tells me its not going to work, no matter what I tell her. I'm tired of being the parent. Just once, I would like HER to tell ME that everything is going to be okay, and what I should do to solve all of my problems. Frickin just stop being the martyr all the time, because you know what, I have my own life to manage and try not to screw up without having to manage yours. Did you ever stop to think that maybe I'M not alright? Did you ever stop to think that maybe I'M still having problems dealing with grandma's death? Did you ever stop to think that maybe it's not MY JOB to keep your marriage from falling apart? No, I didn't think so. You never have.

You know what, I'm done. With everything. I just want to get through the rest of term without chucking myself out a window, because at this point, I'm there. Show me to the nearest window.

With Haste

In response to Hope's very deserved "post, woman!", I am officially posting. With haste. lol.

Oh my goodness, there's been so much to post about. A bunch of people went out to a kegger on Friday night, and Jamie wanted to work, and I believe Rachel went tobaganning, so Siobhan and I went out on a date. We saw Tristan and Isolde (at the cheap theatre in WEM), which was absolutely fantastic! If you haven't seen it yet, do so NOW. Aaaannnnnd...GO. lol. After the movie, we went to the washroom on the way out and after we had gotten into the food court I noticed my pants were falling down, which I thought was rather odd as I just did them up. So I look down, and OH MY GOD MY BELT IS UNDONE AND JUST HANING OPEN. I just about died laughing. Maybe that didn't deserve all caps, but seriously, who just leaves the bathroom without doing up their pants? I ask you.

So we made it out to the bus terminal (with my pants fully done up) and were staning in the shelter in I don't want to know what filth when we saw these guys outside smoking pot. So I was all "hey Siobhan, wanna go out there and smoke some pot?" lol. Seriously, it smelled that bad indoors. And then we see this middle aged guy approach the kids and pull out his wallet, so we were all "omg, are they dealing?!". But no. They weren't. The dude grabbed the joint and threw it on the ground and showed them something in his wallet and took their IDs as this other rather tall guy walked up and stood around. Oh yeah, we saw a drug bust lol. And THEN, there was a completely drunk guy on the bus who looked like he was about to vomit at any minute. My only thought was oh god please don't let this guy vomit until we get off the bus because I just might end up puking all over him if he does. Needless to say, it was an interesting night.

Saturday was somewhat less eventful. I did some homework, hung out, and then helped Mark move his room around now that CJ moved next door. That's right, we shoved the beds together so now mark has a huge ass bed. And then Jamie and Siobhan and I had a sleep-over in it with Mark. It was pretty hott lol. John came by this morning and Mark motioned him to come in and he just about did a double take at seeing us three girls in the bed before taking a flying leap on top of us lol. And then the four of us went out for brunch which turned into lupper.

And thus has been 3 days in the life of Mare Denisovich.

Supper With the Wife-to-Be

I went out for dinner last night with Siobhan (my future wife) and her family and Dana. We went to the Olive Garden, which was fantastic, as per usual, but I definitely ate far too much and had to bring the rest home with me (as per usual lol). Siobhan's mum and dad are awesome. Her dad has a small earing and he's really funny. And her mum was super nice and everything, AND she brought cookies. And we all know I'll do anything for a cookie. What can I say? I'm a cookie ho.

Adam's fish is alive and creepy, which is more than I can say for Carole's fish. Poor Eddie. Gone down the toilet and everything. It would have been funny if it had've been my fish, but whatcha gonna do? But seriously, Adam's fish stalks me around my room from it's tank. I don't even like dressing in front of it anymore. It's always watching us, precious. Tricksy fish. We likes them raw and wriggling!

Anywho, I really have nothing of interest to say. Who knew? Certainly not I. Adieu.