Why is it I never have good dreams? I either don't sleep, don't dream, or have bad dreams. And lately I've been alternating between the don't sleep and bad dreams. Last night's was...singularly dpressing. Put me off for the whole day really, but that could be due to the fact that I've had probably half a dozen hours of sleep or so in the past couple of days.
A bunch of us were walking in Edmonton, and we saw Mark and his girlfriend. I think it was Clare who pointed them out, and I smiled and turned to say something to her, and then all of a sudden I was walking with Mark, except he looked different. He looked how he used to look before he turned all emo, but it was winter of first semester. Or at least I assumed it was because grandma was really sick. And even in the dream I knew it wasn't real. I knew that we weren't together anymore, and that grandma was dead. But I wanted it so much to be true. I want to have someone to hold my hand and tell me it's going to be okay. I would give anything for another day with my grandma. Just one more day of playing cards, and cooking dinner and running to the store and...just so many little, mundane things that I loved to do with her.
But it's useless to wish for things. She's never coming back, and life is never 'okay', so what's the point? Life moves on, and so should we. We don't hardly talk about my grandma ever (except when my mother chooses to whine about how sad she is), my grandpa has a girlfriend, and I'm alone. And that's the way it is. And that's probably the way it will be for a very long time.
I can't wait to get back to Edmonton and my (practically) daily gym routine. At least I can pretend everything is okay for a little while whilst endorphins are being pumped into my bloodstream.
"Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person." - Mark Twain
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1 comment:
Can you bust a move into the Park for New Year's? Question mark?
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