Revving up for Finals

It's been awhile since I've posted. Mainly because I have to life about which to post, but also because I really don't know what to say. What's too much? What's too little? Theoretically, I can post whatever the heck I want and everyone just gets to deal with it, but at the same time, I don't want to too much information anyone.

Anyway. I've been stressing out lately. About everything. I'm an arts student, I really don't have all that much to stress about. I mean, I know I'm just propagating the stereotype here, but it's kind of true in my case. I really don't have all that much pressing work I need to do. Mostly readings and questions I should do. But I'm very much tired of university. I like some of my classes, but I don't really have any motivation to go. I just want to crawl in bed and stay there until May. That would be nice. And I've started obsessing about my weight again, which kind of scares me. But I want to be thin. I want to be attractive. I want to be wanted. I want to be those pretty girls with the bitch walk that know they're hot and don't look like they give a damn what you think. But I'm not. I'm not any of those things. All I can do is want. And try to lose weight.

I'm going home this weekend. Partially because my mum's been bugging me for weeks, but partially because I need a break. I love living in Edmonton, and I love living with Janna and Fleg, and I love our random dinner parties/tv nights with the guys. But I need a break. I need to just get away from everything and re-evaluate. I need to stop not caring about school. I need....a new life. A new perspective.

And I would like a big spoon. Well, a slightly more permanent big spoon. But it is what it is. And I have no time to find/have a boyfriend. Not like I'm beating them off with a stick or anything. But se la vie. Life goes on.

"Love humiliates you. Hatred cradles you." - Ingrid, White Oleander