2nd day back

So. Today. Not really bad, but not really good either. English was positively dull. I ignored Mrs Williams as much as humanly possible and was basically turned around in my seat the entire class. I worked out in 3rd again. I think that will be my daily routine. Mare's goal: be buff/rough/tough and able to fit into The Dress by grad. I'm hoping, anyway. Yearbook was quite pointless. Well, for me. I did basically nothing besides give suggestions to Theb and D. Yup, that's me: completely useless. But hey, being useless is my top skill. Good skill to have really. Anyway, I'll leave you with a quote.

"We do not know what we want and yet we are responsible for what we are - that is the fact." - Jean-Paul Sartre

OOOO! I want that one!

So today was remarkable unremarkable for a first day back. I did, however, work out during 3rd. It was really good, for a work out. I got quite sweaty and gross, so I must have worked out hard, right? And the good news was, there was hardly anyone there, so no creepy grade 10s watching to see if I was watching them and their manly weightlifting. Planning on going again tomorrow for another go.

Waiting around for tickets tonight was certainly NOT the hight of cool. It wasn't even the low of cool. Mind you, sitting on the floor while we were waiting in the que was certainly the hight of cool. Well, perhaps the low of cool. After Mrs Ticketlady gave us our tickets, Mark and lazed around outside for awhile (and I think I deepened my burn). Then back in to wait our turn. Samantha's little siblings were soooo cute! I pointed and declared: "I WANT THAT ONE!" Alas, Mark said no. APPARENTLY, you can't just take random children, you're meant to "make your own". Psh. Why go through all the pain of labour when I can just snatch one? Are you with me Theb?! But, we finally got our tickets and are currently residing at Table 13. How lucky. Apparently, we've been sat next to the "rowdy" teachers. lol. Who else is next to us?

Dirt is healthy...but what about pond water?

Hmmm...it is a conundrum. But I shall get to that in a moment. Today was sunburn-y. I had another lesson on driving the truck today (the what? the truuuuuck!). There was THE cutest little girl at TH today! I just about stole her. But I restrained myself because we were going to grandma's and there was really no where to put her. Anyway, we came home and I got to cut grass, which was, as always, hot. Not hot and steamy, just...hot. I got a little sunburned. Then lunch and back outside to do more yardwork. (Lunch was blueberry pancakes...mmmm. Just thought you should know lol.) Needless to say, my "tan" from yesturday has turned into a rather warm burn. Whilest we were trying to get the pump to work to get water out of the pond, the hose sprung a leak. So I went to put my hand over it, but my hand slipped, and as it was kind of under alot of pressure, the water sprayed up into my face. Ew. Just...EW. It's not very sanitary and full of bacteria..."Are you sure this water's sanitary? It looks questionable to me...What about bacteria?" ... Quite disgusting when you think about...which I won't. And my pirate rowboat is sinking! The bottom is pretty much rotted out, so we're just going to have to throw it out. How sad. *sniff* And I wanted to be a pirate when I grew up... *sigh* I suppose I'll have to choose a new career route. *thinking* ... I can't come up with anything that involved me brandishing a sword and shouting "AVAST!" ... I'm done for! HELP!

Clock

I felt that I needed a clock on here. Doesn't it just spruce the place up ever so much? I sure thought so.

Today was aight. I did laundry, cleaned the shower, did dishes, attempted another page of the history stuff, and made my daddy lunch. Then I ran out of things to do. As I was already wearing my swimsuit top (my unmentionables were being laundered, so I didn't have any that were both, clean and dry), I decided to attempt a tan. It was fun. I laid out on my porch in my swimsuit and got a little burnt, but with any luck it will develope into a tan. It was enjoyable.

Daddy was teaching me how to drive the truck also today. It was ... interesting. I apparently made an illegal turn. How rebel of me. As the light was still yellow, I assumed it was aight, but whatevs. I can live on the wild side. Can you?

I'm feeling rather abandoned. Mark said he'd call today and he didn't. *sigh* I tells ya, boys. lol. And I looked ever so hot in my jean skirt and plaid shirt. lol. Oi vey. That is certainly a fashion statement. Anywho, off to bedfordshire.

Shopping & Party

Shopping = BLEG! I really do loath shopping. Good news is, I was only in Kingsway for a grand total of 1 hour and 15 minutes. WOOT! But, I now have shoes and a purse. My daddy says my shoes make me just the right hight for dancing, so huzzah! As stupid as it sounds, I can't wait to dance with my daddy. We're just that good lol. But the guy at Payless was a little creepy. He was incredibly nice, but a little camp. And he kept getting a little too close. I realize my boundaries are odd, but I can't help it. "I don't know you, stay at least 2 feet away from me at all times!" But I would just like to say, I had my shoes and purse picked out in half an hour. Basically I was "this is black and looks like it will match. I'll take it". The rest of the time I was trying to find summat for Kalyn.

Kalyn's was loads of fun, apart from Mark forgetting lol. Apparently it was all my fault for not phoning him on Friday to remind him, despite the fact I told him Thursday. *sigh* Some people's children! lol. Josh and Kayla seemed really nice. Too bad we injured him in ultimate "sportdisk". The cake tasted really good too! Shame I had to leave early. Anyway, lots of fun.

Today is official "do history homework day". Well, I hope. We'll see. I was feeling really guilty about not doing it, so I did a page when I got home last night. And it's laundry day. So I get to do that as well. Woot. Anywho, I'm off. laundry calls.

Grad Assembly = oppression

Grad Assembly. What a waste of time. Yet another way for our Machiavellian dictator to oppress the grade 12 population. *mock serious voice* Are we allowed to use post-dated cheques? BAH! Pointless. And the tassels on the hats looked ugly. And the "skit" (shall we call it?) was pathetic. Thank you, I understand that I walk in a straight line, accept my diploma and shake hands and then go back to my seat. A second grader could figure this out. Other than that, today was fairly good. Oh, and the part where the WC wasn't open. But TWW was loads of fun. Good jobbage Rabe! And it is my professional opinion that Willis, Theb, and I should not be allowed near the candy aisle/bulk food section without supervision lol. I LOVE bulk candy! I mean really, who doesn't? And, just for funzies, I think I'll mention that DL finally has a chat room! Yay! AND 100 SLEEPS TILL WE MOVE OUT RABE!

"Don't make me light one on fire!"

I just watched part of the Daily Show, on which Wanda Sykes appeared. She was talking about her new movie and how she could do whatever she wanted because all the paparazi were following Jennifer Lopez. The phrases "snorting coke off a hooker" and "look at me, I'm juggling babies! Don't make me light one on fire!" were involved. lol. I love the Daily Show. Today was quite boring. I baked cookies and a cake for my daddy, watched tv, and talked to Alyssa. And read my book. Yup, that's it. Wow. I was being quite lazy. To lazy to even shave my legs, so I'll have to get up early to do that tomorrow. *sigh* I think if girls have to shave their legs, boys should have to also. Really, it's only fair. So much for gender equality. *sigh* Anywho, I'll see y'all at the Assembly tomorrow.

Spring Cleaning

Oh, spring cleaning. 'Tis quite dusty. So I spent a good four hours cleaning my room today. I moved everything out that I could, emptied the closet, dusted, vacuumed, and put everything into its place. It was quite an event, let me tell you.

I went in for yearbook, because I am just that dedicated. We scrapped one of the Kareoke pages because there weren't enough pictures and added another page of candids to replace it. Then Mark and I finished up kareoke captions, and I was promptly nominated to go to the rugby match and take pictures with Mark. Mark mentioned he was probably going to the match anyway, so Mr Larou asked him to take pictures. Mark's reply was: "Sure, we'll go over." We. Hmmm. I didn't recall volunteering, however I found myself in Mark's truck on the way to my first rugby match. It was actually quite fun, except I'm rubbish at taking pictures and I don't know a thing about rugby. I was constantly "what are they doing?" and "whoa, what's happening?" and "are we winning?". Quite annoying I'm sure, and it was windy so my hair kept getting everywhere until I tied it back. Apparently, with my hair back and a camera around my neck, I had a "New York reporter" thing going on. I didn't see it, but as long as it amused him lol.

I ALMOST missed Coronation Street tonight. It was a tense moment. And I watched Rob and Amber's wedding tonight. I LOVE Rob and Amber! It was really nice. Amber's wedding dress was soooooooo pretty! All flowy and nice.

You know, I've been really happy lately. I don't know what it is, but I just am. It's so great to finally not be exhausted every day and go to sleep without feeling guilty because I don't have everything done and not wake up dreading what else is going to go wrong. And to actually have time to do things that I want to do and spend time with Mark without worrying about that deadline for some stupid paper is just so nice. I was reading through some blog entries from a while ago, and it's really amazing how much I've been stressed and unhappy. As much as I love Sal and as much as I love all my friends, sometimes I wonder if all the stress and horrible days and night I cried myself to sleep were worth it. But then I imagine what it would have been like if I stayed in the Fort, and I am so glad that I came to Sal. I mean, unless you've lived here, you've no idea how great it feels to NOT. It's like doging a huge bullet. Anyway, I think that's enough for tonight. Huzzah.

Darth Mare returns!

Today was another good day. You know, it's amazing what not being in school can do for my happiness level. So today I went over to Mark's and we watched Star Wars Episode II (well, the interesting parts anyway) and Team America (whatever you do, DO NOT watch that one...*shudder* absolute guy movie that was). Any day out of my house and with Mark automatically qualifies as a good day. So yes, loads of fun. Well, except that I'm getting a cold and it's raining. I hate rain. But we need it *sigh*, so I suppose I'll pretend to like it. So really, nothing interesting to report from today, just a good day all 'round. Tomorrow's plan: drastic spring cleaning of room, followed by yearbook because we are WAY behind!

Mare's Night Out

Today was boring, but this evening was hott! Mark, my parents (that's right, my parents) and I went and saw Star Wars! It was quite the movie, in spite of Haydn Christiansan. I highly reccommend it. And a kid in the cinima had a light saber! A LIGHT SABER! I WANT ONE TOO!!! *sigh* I shall restrain my jealousy, because jealousy is the path to hate. Hate is the path to fear. Fear leads to the dark side! *Creepy Darth Vader music and breathing* I am .... DARTH MARE! MWAHAHAHAHAH! *sigh* But Darth Mare is tired and wishes to go to Bedfordshire, as she's going over to Mark's tomorrow to watch Episode II. A little late, but better late than never.

I've got the BABYSITTIN' BLUES dun dun dun

For those of you who have seen Adventures in Babysitting, the title should ring a few bells. For those of you who haven't, do. I mean, it has "Thor, the god of thunder!" in it, what more could you want? But yes, babysitting today was something less than an adventure. However, it did emphasize my total lack of upper body strength. I guess having an under-two-year-old glued to your hip all day whilest trying to cook lunch and supper, do dishes, and play cards with an 11-year-old will do that to ya. So other than the fact that my arms are killing me and I smell like babies, it was good. Although I would like to point out the hazard of loading a dishwasher whilest holding the aforementioned toddler. Undless you require the kind of help only a child can provide, I would suggest waiting until it's distracted. But hey, Mare now has money, for as long as that lasts. 10 hours at $5 an hour, you do the math. Anyway, I don't think I'm making sense anymore, so I'm going to bed. And tomorrow, to STAR WARS! Duuun dun du du du duuuuuuuuun dun, dun du du duuuuun dun, dun du du duuuuun !

FREE AT LAST!

That's right! One glorious week of nothing with a sunny side of laying in sunbeams coming right up! Ahhh...R&R. Glad physics is done. But getting to see h.ro's adorable little daughter was worth the trip in for physics. She is soooo cute! If I could have grabbed her without h.ro noticing, I would have. As creepy as this sounds, I can't help it because she is the cutest little girl I have ever seen. But I think Mark and my dad are quite tired of hearing how cute she is. lol. Went to Mark's after, which is always fun. However, apparently I'm a hypocrite as I was ranting about dictator girl's lack of adequate clothing (as I can see down to China when she leans over the table) when I wear rather revealing tops myself. Ladies, you are suppose to inform me of this! Mark refuses to tell me when my top is inappropriate because there's "nothing in it for [him]". lol. I tells ya, some people's children. Grocery shopping was boring. Some little girl shoved our cart though and then ran away to her mommy. I think she was trying to pick a fight, but I decided to be the mature one and walk away. So there. Also she was like 5, but hey, it could happen. lol. Anyway, nothing to say, but I'll leave you with my all-time favorite song. If you have a chance, you should really give it a listen. The harmonies are awesome!

Whiskey Lullaby, by Brad Paisley & Allison Krauss
She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night.

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her 'til I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby.
La la la la la la laLa la la la la la la.
La la la la la la laLa la la la la la la.

The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind,
Until the night.

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby.
La la la la la la laLa la la la la la la

La la la la la la laLa la la la la la la

La la la la la la laLa la la la la la la.
La la la la la la laLa la la la la la la...

Oh Physics, how silly!

Ah yes, physics. I remember the days when I used to understand physics. It was the spring of grade five ... or six, I really can't say ... the sky was blue, the air was clear, and all we had to know was that "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction". And to demonstrate we blue up a balloon, glued it to a straw, attached the straw to a string stretching across the classroom and let 'er fly. Ahhhh, yes. Those were the good ol' days. Perhaps one day we shall return to such simplicity. But I think not. Farewell, oh golden days of understanding. I bid you a fond adieu. As for IB Physics, well Cardiff knows where they can go, because I quit. Besides, Mark insists that they are all a bunch of "sheep-shaggers" anyway. (Direct quote.) Not likely they'll notice.

In other news, I am going to attempt to stop stress-eating. Again. Mainly because it will be easy because there is no stress. Well, not a huge amount anyway. Still, I shall stop eating just because I'm stressed. That's bad. Yearbook was today. Really boring because I suck at captions, but whatevs. I try. OC was quite good tonight, but I couldn't catch Coronation Street, which sucks. I suppose Mark will just have to catch me up tomorrow. Anywho, I've nothing interesting to say, so I shall go and change my mood.

Mare's Wednesday Rant

Ok, today's rant is about ladies' undergarments, so male readers shall read at their own risk. So yesterday, I chose to wear my short black skirt to school, and as I figured I may have to go up stairs and didn't particularly want to wear my swimsuit bottoms, I chose to wear regular undergarments (so, in effect, panties). I'm sorry, but they are THE MOST uncomfortable item of clothing IN THE HISTORY OF LADIES' UNDERTHINGS. How do people wear them on a regular basis? Boy-shorts unmentionables I can handle. Thongs are good. G-strings are creepy, but still able to handle them. But panties?! Who thought up such an uncomfortable thing? They are right up there next to corsets for uncomfortability. Mind you I'm just guessing as I've never worn a corset. But really! All they do is ride up! And I, for one, really don't appreciate that feeling. Seriously, just no. From now on, when wearing a skirt, boy-shorts will be worn because they, at least, don't go adventuring where they don't belong! Damn adventuresome unmentionables.

The Tuesday That Was

SO, I basically did nothing with my Tuesday. I read my book, spent 10 minutes searching for gym shorts that I later realized I lent to Alanna...and that's about it. Well, before I went to school anyway. I went in for 4th to work out for awhile before yearbook, so Mare is now all buffroughtough. Yup, that's right, buffroughtough. Yearbook was pretty routine, although there was a lot of new people. New girls, actually. And we had to do captions, which I despise, for the color pages which are DUE JUNE 1!!!!! We need to get crackin'! We're burning daylight people! Please say everyone will be there on Thursday, because mine and Mark's captioning really leaves something to be desired. Then I had to go home *sigh*. And I had to wait until 8 to watch Corronation Street because mum just had to watch American Idol and dad wanted to watch Planet of the Apes (which is really just disturbing, I have to say).

Today needs a quote, I've officially decided. "I slept and dreamed that life was beauty. I awoke -- and found that life was duty." - Ellen Stugis Hooper. Oh, how true, how true. I can't count the number of times I've done something because I thought that it was expected of me, that it was my "duty". *sigh* Anywho, I shan't philosophize today. Have a good study session/French exam!

Corronation Street

Well, today was a mix of emotions really. I was all good until halfway through second, because I escaped the house for a little while. To go to school, yes, but an escape nonetheless. I was filling out that scholarship thing (which, I was rather irritated to discover, was NOT in my locker) and the stupid letter I wrote wouldn't print. 20 minutes, three computers, and a floppy disk letter, I was still unable to print the damn thing, unable to open it off the disk, and had to rewrite it. 10 minutes, one new letter and a lot of irritation later, I discovered I still couldn't print because I didn't have any money left in the "paper account". Grrr. So, 5 minutes, 5 cents, and one piece of paper later, I finally had it printed off and in my hot little hands. Just in time for lunch. Which meant the spare I had meant to spend with Mark was instead spent with three different computers, three different library ladies, and my scholarship application form. Hot. And then Randyhere still managed to embarrass me even without me being in class. And Mr Lam somehow managed to creep me out in literally 20 seconds flat. It was delightful. So I went home. Where I got the "I-clean-this-house-all-the-time-and-pick-up-all-of-your-stuff-and-why-can't-you-help-out-more-and-I-won't-do-this-by-myself-any-more" rant. So I went and watched tv. And ate. Alot. Damn my stress eating! But Corronation Street was on, which Mark has somehow gotten me hooked on. I can't understand half of what they're saying, but what I can understand is pretty good. I'm figuring on going into school for last tomorrow to go to the wellness center and then to yearbook. I don't think I can handle all day in the house with my mother.

Church

Oi vey, church last night was painful. Oh so painful. If Mrs. Wilson insists on singing toward us in that nasely, off-key voice, the least she could do would be to sing QUIETLY! I'm sorry, I can't even hear myself, let alone Clare or the piano, so my pitch is way beyond doubtful. And I hadn't sung in a while due to a couple colds in a row, so my voice was less than limber. Oh my goodness, but we were off-key. It made me incredibly gald when it came my turn to play, even if I did screw that up lots. Just oi. I don't think it could have been worse if we tried. It really couldn't have. And I'm sorry, but Fr David's sermons are very looong and he repeats everything he says at least three times. I've given up listening. Not that I usually do anyways, but usually I listen to the first few minutes and zone back in every once in a while. Well, no more. I zoned out from beginning to end. It was terrible.
This morning, I attempted to make crepes. Yup, attempted is the word to use. Not matter what I do, I cannot make pancakes or crepes for love nor money. It really is bad. But then I realized, half-way through makeing them, that I wasn't actually hungry, so I had to just put them away until later when I'm actually hungry. Note to Mare: only make breakfast if you're hungry. But the day shall get better, I'm determined. I went outside and blew bubbles for awhile, which was delightful fun. I love bubbles. And I'm going to Mark's later, so that is always fun. And that means I won't have to see my parents for awhile, but I already did dishes and whatnot, so I probably won't get yelled at anyway. OH well. I'm going off to see what mood I'd like to be today, because I don't really feel "just here" anymore. (WHERE? JUST THERE!) Thanks for the scholarship stuff Clare!

Mare's affinity for her bed

Mare has discovered that she has a great affinity for her bed. That's right, my bed and I spent some quality time together yesturday, and I plan on some more today. In fact, I think half of yesturday was spent just lying in my bed. It seemed like a good plan. Today will be a variation on yesturday's plan, perhaps spending a little more quality time with the couch though. I mean really, we can't let the couch get jealous. Anyway, I'm blathering now and really have nothing to say. Here's to incoherence and insanity!

"You can't turn a bad girl good, but once a good girl goes bad, she's gone forever." hmmm. Interesting thought. True or false?

Links

I have removed the links to everyone's blog. It was pointed out that I have a link to my blog in my email sig, so other people could find your blogs through me. Sorry 'bout that, I didn't really think of it. Anyway, the links have been removed.

"Mare. From concentrate."

Rabe, this is my new favorite phrase. And in keeping with my concentrate, I tried to bottle like nobody's business today and nearly succeeded...before hyperventilating on Clare. I'm sorry Clare! So today was better than yesturday but worse than Monday, so...things are perhaps beginning to look up. I was completely distracted through bio, but managed to pull myself together before completely losing it during brake. I managed to find Mark, and we actually talked, which was very good as I was beginning to think I was going to be ignored until school recommenced. *shudder* Anyway, I now know what I must do to fix the problem, and have begun sorting that out. And no school for a week, so stress is decreasing. Yup, things are looking up. Well, I still feelquite sick and can't eat more than a few mouthfuls of something before I feel like sicking up, but hopefully that will go away as the stress goes away. But hey, I lost almost 5 more lbs, so grad dress should fit nicely. Hopefully. Anyway, OC is calling.

Note to readers of "old" blog

I think I forgot to mention this, but a little while ago, I had my old blog address deleted. Just so everyone knows if they try to go there all you will get is one of those "blog not found" things.
In other news, the song of today (if I may once again steal some thunder) is What Kind of Love Are You On by Aerosmyth, compliments of my Armageddon soundtrack.

Stressed

I think that basically defines every facet of my life right now. That and "falling apart". Both work very well. So I did terribly today. But then again that would be my own fault for not studying better. I just couldn't concentrate. Not on studying, and not on writing. God, it was all I could do to refrain from saturating my paper with my crying. Yup, Mare broke her cardinal rule and started crying during the Bio paper 1. Very bad habit, braking cardinal rules. And I'm sorry for breaking down on you Rabe. I didn't mean to. I guess I just didn't have quite as firm a rein on my emotions as I would have liked. But everything is back all bottled up like it should be. So yes. I am completely at my breaking point. Any more stress, and I will become a shapeless, quivering blob on the floor. But hey, what are floors for? But yes. You know, it's not just Mark or school. Although those are significant contributing factors. It's just...my mum's dad went into complete renal failure the other week, and even though he's on dialysis (finally), the trips to the hospital and back wear him out because it takes like an hour and half to get there. They're trying night-time dialysis at home now, but he says if it doesn't get better he's pulling the plug. Which means he will die. Mind you, we've all been expecting his heart to give out first for years, but it would be nice if he stayed alive until my mum can get down there in July. And I think my other grandpa may have colon cancer. No one tells me anything of course, but I overhear conversations between my dad and grandma, and it sounds pretty bad. He's going to the doctor next week to get checked out, but you can tell my grandma knows its serious. She has a look. And then I have all this pressure with school and IB. I mean, I know I put alot of it on myself, but I can't help it. That's how it's always been. And then Mark is just the frosting on the cake. Not that I wouldn't be torn up about it normally, but at least I wouldn't start crying everytime I think about him (which is every minute practically) or someone mentions his name. But hey, at least I think I know what he's angry about. *sigh* Not that it matters if he isn't talking to me, I guess. But I shall have to hand him Kalyn's invite tomorrow, which should be interesting. So, if I come running hell bent for leather out of the library tomorrow, you know why.

Stupid Mare

Oh Mare. Silly Mare. Stupid, silly Mare. Look what you've done. Way to go. Way to 'deal' with the situation. We did just what we always did. We ignored it, hoped it would go away. Well, guess what? We lost, didn't we? Stupid. Oh god, don't leave me. I love you so much, please, please don't go. Don't go. Not again. I couldn't have done it again. I love you so much. I'll fix it, whatever it is, I'll fix it. Just please talk to me. *moan* I can't lose you. You've no idea how much you mean to me. I very nearly cried many times today. At lunch, during the paper one, the paper two, the break, after school. When you looked at me like you couldn't stand the sight of me. But we musn't cry. No, we musn't let them see us cry. Musn't let anyone see us cry. What would they say? "Stupid girl, crying over a stupid boy". But you aren't a stupid boy. I love you so. Stupid stupid STUPID! Musn't cry. Musn't let anyone see. Especially mum and dad. Oh god, if they find out. *cynical laugh* Well if he leaves us they'll find out sometime, won't they? One more thing to be dissapointed over, to remind us of at every turn. They don't know how much it hurts. They don't care. Oh god, don't leave me. Don't leave. I'll do anything, just...don't. Don't leave.

NOOOOooooooOOOOO!

Oi vey...I think I may sick. Or getting there. I feel like someone worked me over with a pair of brass knuckles. Seriously, I am in some severe pain here. And I didn't even fall down the stairs or anything. And my ears keep clogging up. Ew. Please don't let me be sick. Please please PLEASE don't let me be sick. We have history and bio this week. History AND bio. HISTORY and BIO!!! I can't be sick! NOOOOOooooooOOOOOO! *sigh* Perhaps I'll just heavily medicate myself and see how that goes. On a better note, I went shopping and actually found what I was looking for. Huzzah. As much as I hate shopping, I'm rather glad I got it over with, because I have to go shopping with Grandma and mum soon. Oi. That should be interesting. Anyway, I got three nightdresses and some undergarments...for the LOW LOW PRICE OF ONLY $60. THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS! Why is girl clothing so expensive? *ubersigh* Mare's head hurts. OOoo! I know how to get to U-Haul guys. Well, I think I do. I had to take Mark over to drop summat off before I went shopping, so I have officially BEEN there. However I had to go on the roundabout...which leaves something to be desired. A very big something. At the risk of stealing Theb and Rabe's thunder, I heard a song on the radio the other day that I liked. lol. Especially the bit about the "looks decent wagon" and the artichoke hearts. lol.
What's a Guy Gotta Do by Joe Nichols
What's... a... guy gotta do to get a girl in this town
Don't wanna be alone when the sun goes down
Just a sweet little somethin to put my arms around
What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town

Well ask anybody I'm a pretty good guy
And the looks decent wagon didn't pass me by
There ain't nothin in my past that I'm tryin hard to hide
And I don't understand why I gotta wonder why

What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town
Don't wanna be alone when the sun goes down
Just a sweet little somethin to put my arms around
What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town

Cruise all around the right parking lots
little time gets killed alotta bull gets shot
one who'll think I'm kinda cute and laugh at every joke I got
when I get to thinkin maybe she's athinkin maybe not

What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town
Don't wanna be alone when the sun goes down
Just a sweet little somethin to put my arms around
What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town

Had an old man tell me "Boy if you were smart
you'd hit the produce isle at the Super Walmart"
So I bumped into a pretty girl's shopping cart
but all I did was break her eggs and bruise her artichoke hearts

What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town
Don't wanna be alone when the sun goes down
Just a sweet little somethin to put my arms around
What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town
What's a guy gotta do to get a girl in this town

Oh, the pain!

Today was...unpleasant. We had Mother's Day dinner at my grandma's. I hate family gatherings with a passion. True to form, my Uncle Don had managed to somehow get himself drunk by the time we arrived (345) and proceeded to announce his opinions very loudly and obnoxiously at the dinner table. Oh joy. What fun. Apparently, he thinks that my dad's Aunt Marya is a self-centered, selfish, bitter old woman because she told her daughter in law that she would have her (the daughter in law) and the two grandchildren stricken from the will if the children change their last names to their new step-father's last name. The conversation then moved to Aunt Marya being bitter because she hasn't finished grieving over Joel's and Scott's deaths (two of her sons). Which then moved to her being bitter and still blaming Genevra (Scott's 3rd wife) for his blowing his own fool head off. Which then moved along to Genevra's new fiance and what a delightful man he seems to be. Which then moved along to the family reunion, who is and isn't attending, and the state of health of my dad's Aunt Phyllis and uncle Lyle, and how stubborn Lyle is. GAH! I cannot stand family dinners. However, the good news is they were too busy discussing everyone else to remark on how much I ate (I am ready to explode...ugh...too much food) and no questions about Mark beyond if we were 'still an item' and a remark on 'what a nice accent' he has. Oh, but I did get a 'you look very nice tonight' from my grandma. I was wearing a dress. She really likes it when I wear dresses. I, however, am not so into the dresses. *sigh* Perhaps I should be.

On another note, this morning when I went into town, I was stared at by no fewer than 4 people. Yeesh, you would have thought they'd never seen a girl in a dress at 9am before. The guy biking by my car in the mall parking lot tried to stare into my car at me as he went by. Extremely creepy. The girl in the truck at Tim Hortons smirked at me as I walked by as I was having troubles walking and keeping my dress in line at the same time. The old guy who went into Tim Hortons in front of me looked at me as if I just appeared out of nowhere when I walked in the door behind him. And the 30-something guy sitting at the tables outside smirked at me as I tried to find a space to balance the coffee and get somewhat gracefully into the car and arrange my skirts at the same time. I'm sorry if my having troubles with my dress amuses you, but you try adjusting everything whiles holding two coffees, keys, and a cell phone. People are so creepy these days.

New Thought

Whilest thinking of anything besides studying, I've realized that I need to do some shopping. Well, I realized this before today, but I re-realized this along with the fact that we're at school for onlt the morning on Monday. Thus, after english Mare shall be adventuring along to the mall to shop for unmentionables and pyjamas. Summer pyjamas. Yes. Hmm..well that is the only new thought.

Mare is irritated

Alot. I can haredly concentrate for half an hour at a time to study, nevermind stay awake. Damn schoool and its making me get up early. I can't sleep past 7am, yet my prime study time is 10-12pm. Perhaps I shall take up napping. *sigh* And I had a whole 15 minutes by myself between my dad's departure and my mum and cheyenne's arrival, which is completely vexing. I just can't concentrate when everyone is around making noise. God, who misses siblings when my parents act like 8-year-olds? And now with the addition of an actual child, my level of irritation just went up 10 points. And now Cheyenne decides to ask my mum why Amy left. Oh god, why? Apparently it was because she was selfish and didn't care who she hurt and just wanted to live somewhere with no rules. *snort of contempt* I beg to differ. However, as my opinion would neither be wanted nor appreciated, and all voicing it would get me would be a screaming match, I kept my mouth shut. I think you guys shouldbe incredibly proud of me. Usually I tend to just shout my opinion. Well, I have managed to study some Bismark, enzymes, and some DNA stuff this morning. Needless to say my ambitious plan for last night did not work out, due to me going to town, and then becoming incredibly ill. I, in my infinite wisdom, chose to remind myself just exactly why I don't eat fast food. I was ready to die by the time we got home. So I really hvaen't done much. But I'm going to skip church (heathen that I am)and barricade myself in my room. Well, as soon as I clean it. It's really annoying me right now. It desperately needs to be vacuumed. *sigh*

And just for Theb: Fear of birds is Ornithophobia

Friday = Study?

I hope so. It hasn't exactly worked out so far, but I've studied for at least and hour and a half. Italian unification. Quite boring, but Germany should be better. I intend to go through that tonight, along with WWI and WWII if I can manage it. I just can't concentrate when my parents are home though. They are incredibly distracting with their immaturity. It makes me want to scream. And I frequently do. They, however, think it's funny. Anyway I have nothing to say, so I'll leave you with some more fun bits of slang from the same source as yesterday.

Billy no mates: a person who appears to have no friends.
Bit on the side: a relationship extra to one's usual partner [that one was for Theb]
Blimey O'Reilly!: an exclamation of surprise
Bob's your uncle: There you have it.
Bossyboots: a person who bosses others around.

My challenge to you: use at least three of the above in a sentence.

Handy dandy nifty difty

Sorry for the annoying title, but I thought it acurately described the new addition to Mare's fantabulous blog. That's right folks! Now you can gauge Mare's mood with the icon, which you may see to the right of your screen. I enjoy it emmensely. Anyway, on to today's topic(s) of discussion. Today was quite the boring day. Both of the exams went well, IMO, although I suppose due to leagal reasons I can't discuss the particulars at this point in time. Besides, I'm sure we've already rehashed the test sufficiently for Rabe to contemplate strangeling anyone who mentions the exams lol. Yearbook was full of non-work. Although we did finish the dance page, so way to go ladies! Other than that, we all suck because no one had enough ATP left over to support multiple neuron depolarization. But hey, what else is IB for but to decrease the ability of the brain to function? No one is home this evening, whcih is nice, so I got to watch Cruel Intentions. Quite the show, that is. Rather depressing, actually. But then again, Mark always accuses me of enjoying the depressing endings. Which is true, to some extent. I just find that they're more believable in a lot of cases. No one actually lives happily ever after, and it's nice to see reality once in a while. But people don't go to moveis for reality. If they wanted reality, they would just open thier eyes. Anyway, I don't think I'm coherent enought to type anymore, so I'm going to go to bed, sleep in tomorrow, and then study like it really matters.

Slang of the Day: "All fur coat and no knickers" - Of a woman, all superficial appearance and no real substance beneath.

Mare's whacked-out thoughts

I've been feeling kind of down lately. I don't know why, but I have. I can't find the energy to study, or even to care that I'm not. I'm just so tired. And I can't seem to sleep properly. I keep waking up or having bad dreams. And, as corny as it sounds, I miss Mark when I don't see him for a couple of days. I dunno, he's just never far from my thoughts. It's kind of scary, really. I can just see another Cody situation all over again. It's stupid, but I can't help being insecure. It scares me so much I can hardly breathe sometimes. I just wish I could get over this insecurity. But I don't know how. Oh god, how I loved you. I would have done anything for you. I would have been anything for you. You just had to ask, and I would have given you whatever you wanted. It's kind of scary, you having that much control over me, but it's true. God help me, but it is. You've no idea. But then again, maybe you did. Maybe that's why you made the decisions you did. But then again, maybe not. I just don't know. I don't even think you know sometimes. It's amazing, really, how much something like that can hurt. It's something you never know until it happens, and then it hits you like an anvil falling out of the sky. Did you know how much you were hurting me? Do you know now? Maybe. But maybe not. I pray you never know pain like that. No one should have to go through that. But maybe I needed that. Maybe I needed it to realize what I had become. Maybe it was the only thing that could take me away from what I had made myself into. Maybe it was a test that I failed. The funny thing was, I wasn't angry. I never have been. Oh, it hurt me on a thousand different levels. But not once was I angry with you. If anything, I was angry with myself. Angry for not being the person you needed me to be, angry for not seeing the signs in time, angry for not knowing what to do. But with you, I was never angry. How could I be, when it was my fault? I want so badly to learn from my mistakes and move on, but I don't know how. God help me, I don't know how. It's been over three years, and I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. It's silly, I know, but how do I let go of something that seems a part of me? And yet I have to. If I ever want to be happy, I have to. But I don't know how. God help me, I don't know how.

Motivation

Or rather the significant lack thereof. I have done next to nothing today. *sigh* Sometimes, I really annoy myself. And today is one of those days. I really wish I could summon up some sory of motivation to study. I really intend to study for a couple of hours tonight and some tomorrow morning, but whether I will or not remains to be seen. Although the fact that I lack motivation somewhat annoys me, I really can't find enough energy to care beyond a "you're lazy" and a "what the hell are you doing?" when I find myself doing something other than studying. Normally, I can't ignore my little inner voice. Today though, oh today I tell it to shut up and it does. Quite a disturbing turn of events. Tomorrow, I'm sure, it will be back in full force and guilt tripping me into studying ALOT. *sigh* I wish I had motivation. I wish I could even remotely feel that I will do well. I wish for a lot of things. Silly Mare, if wishes were horses all beggars could ride. But they aren't, and they can't. Or, for those who prefer, if wishes were fishes all men would cast nets. Slightly incorrect grammer, but whatevs. Whatever floats your boat. Mare, the IB failure. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Perhaps I'll have business cards printed up. Anyway, I suppose I should off. One would think I could at least find the energy to start panicing slightly at the meager amount of studying I have done. But I can't.

Ouch!

So, today's English class:

Willis: Can I have the orange one?
Mare: Sure.
Willis: Hey Mark, Mary let me have the last orange smarty!
Mark: That bitch!
Mare: Excuse me?
Mark: That bitch!
Mare: Shut the hell up!
Amilas: Mark!
Mark: What?
Mare: You're such an ass today!
Mark: I'm not the one who's being an ass today.

Ohhhh...good times. Mare was dissed and dissmissed. *sigh* Oh well, he has to go to school all month. A fact which I will continue to point out, just in case he forgets. Guess what guys, I have no allergies. I tend to disagree, however I suppose the tests don't lie. I really don't have anything to say, so here's a quote for y'all:

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." Elbert Hubbard

One Sitch Down

Ok, one situation on the road to a solution, so hot. Vlad's g/f is taking care of it, apparently, so I think it will be ok. I'll still be checking in to make sure, but at least it's being handled. So, slightly less stressed. The fact that IB exams are right around the corner are scaring the crap out of me, but hey, I think they're meant to. And I have been watching entirely too much Alias. I just finished the bit where they found the Passenger. And GirlSark is annoying me (I hope that doesn't give anything away). Anyway, as I have spent entirely too much time NOT studying, I'm going to go put my nose back to the grindstone.

Today's interesting tidbit: fear of trees = dendrophobia