Well, maybe not debauchery, but certainly drunkeness. For Al's birthday, we started out at Elephant and Castle (I approve of pubs mightily, by the by) and then hit up Cook County for some good cowboy fun. We danced, we drank, we two-stepped, D and I rode the bull, we drank some more, some guy told Clare and I we were hot...good times. And then we hit up McD's and stumbled back to Clare's. Very literally. I think I was leaning on Clare the entire way...so thank you Clare for the support and listening to my rather embarassing emotional ravings. And then Clare and Al and I were having a chat and I just up and fell asleep. I don't even remember being tired. Very strange. So...good night over all. Everyone looked hot, I looked far too cowboy.
Today was definitely the day of recovery, because oh man was I hung over. From four beers. Tres sad. But I did some reading, talked to various people on msn...cursed my computer because I think it has a virus. And lo, the day ended.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Always the Dreams...
Why is it I never have good dreams? I either don't sleep, don't dream, or have bad dreams. And lately I've been alternating between the don't sleep and bad dreams. Last night's was...singularly dpressing. Put me off for the whole day really, but that could be due to the fact that I've had probably half a dozen hours of sleep or so in the past couple of days.
A bunch of us were walking in Edmonton, and we saw Mark and his girlfriend. I think it was Clare who pointed them out, and I smiled and turned to say something to her, and then all of a sudden I was walking with Mark, except he looked different. He looked how he used to look before he turned all emo, but it was winter of first semester. Or at least I assumed it was because grandma was really sick. And even in the dream I knew it wasn't real. I knew that we weren't together anymore, and that grandma was dead. But I wanted it so much to be true. I want to have someone to hold my hand and tell me it's going to be okay. I would give anything for another day with my grandma. Just one more day of playing cards, and cooking dinner and running to the store and...just so many little, mundane things that I loved to do with her.
But it's useless to wish for things. She's never coming back, and life is never 'okay', so what's the point? Life moves on, and so should we. We don't hardly talk about my grandma ever (except when my mother chooses to whine about how sad she is), my grandpa has a girlfriend, and I'm alone. And that's the way it is. And that's probably the way it will be for a very long time.
I can't wait to get back to Edmonton and my (practically) daily gym routine. At least I can pretend everything is okay for a little while whilst endorphins are being pumped into my bloodstream.
"Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person." - Mark Twain
A bunch of us were walking in Edmonton, and we saw Mark and his girlfriend. I think it was Clare who pointed them out, and I smiled and turned to say something to her, and then all of a sudden I was walking with Mark, except he looked different. He looked how he used to look before he turned all emo, but it was winter of first semester. Or at least I assumed it was because grandma was really sick. And even in the dream I knew it wasn't real. I knew that we weren't together anymore, and that grandma was dead. But I wanted it so much to be true. I want to have someone to hold my hand and tell me it's going to be okay. I would give anything for another day with my grandma. Just one more day of playing cards, and cooking dinner and running to the store and...just so many little, mundane things that I loved to do with her.
But it's useless to wish for things. She's never coming back, and life is never 'okay', so what's the point? Life moves on, and so should we. We don't hardly talk about my grandma ever (except when my mother chooses to whine about how sad she is), my grandpa has a girlfriend, and I'm alone. And that's the way it is. And that's probably the way it will be for a very long time.
I can't wait to get back to Edmonton and my (practically) daily gym routine. At least I can pretend everything is okay for a little while whilst endorphins are being pumped into my bloodstream.
"Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person." - Mark Twain
Monday, December 25, 2006
El Christmas
So...Christmas again. Oh, the sounds of an irritating, consumer-driven holiday to warm my heart. But, before I get on to the wonderful holiday of Christmas, exam stuff!
Basically, exams were, once again, a mini-hell of my very own. I had a whole bunch of stress, a few mini-breakdowns, a LOT of trips to the gym, some obssessing over weight, quite a few moments of self-pity...Yup, the whole exam gamut of Mare-Cannot-Deal-With-Stress Syndrome. I just about cried walking out of my two econ exams. But hey, C and C-, I'll take them. Bs and Cs get degrees! Still waiting on my music, but PolS and Span were both B.
And hey, after not having eaten in three weeks, I've summarily made up for it in two days of Christmas eating. DCC, here I come. But not tomorrow. Tomorrow is clearly Boxing Day Shopping.
Christmas was, as per usual, irritating and stressful. As per usual, I did a LARGE part of the work. For a holiday I care nothing about. And people wonder why I have no Christmas spirit. I pretty well cleaned the entire house (Daddy did the vacuuming...after I told him I already did it, of course), I did almost all of the christmas baking, I did all of the cooking in preparation for Christmas day and what we needed to take to Aunty Sandy's, I did some of the cooking for Christmas Eve dinner here, I wrapped daddy's gifts (because he hates wrapping), I helped do dishes at Aunty Joanne's today, I peeled and cooked the potatoes and helped set up the table at Aunty Sandy's today, I helped my mum with the shopping for the Christmas dinners/games that we play...basically, I do a ton of the Christmas work. And when Grandma always had Christmas, I helped her with the cooking and cleaning and wrapping presents and putting on the dinners there. I've been raised to be the good daughter/future wife and not complain about it. But you know what, I HATE CHRISTMAS. And I always end up doing the work for it. I object.
And that is my rant about that.
But ya, overall, Christmas went well. Mum was pleased anyway. And I guess that's what counts as she's the one that likes Christmas.
I'll be back in the city on the 29th...we should party on New Year's if ya'll will be around.
Basically, exams were, once again, a mini-hell of my very own. I had a whole bunch of stress, a few mini-breakdowns, a LOT of trips to the gym, some obssessing over weight, quite a few moments of self-pity...Yup, the whole exam gamut of Mare-Cannot-Deal-With-Stress Syndrome. I just about cried walking out of my two econ exams. But hey, C and C-, I'll take them. Bs and Cs get degrees! Still waiting on my music, but PolS and Span were both B.
And hey, after not having eaten in three weeks, I've summarily made up for it in two days of Christmas eating. DCC, here I come. But not tomorrow. Tomorrow is clearly Boxing Day Shopping.
Christmas was, as per usual, irritating and stressful. As per usual, I did a LARGE part of the work. For a holiday I care nothing about. And people wonder why I have no Christmas spirit. I pretty well cleaned the entire house (Daddy did the vacuuming...after I told him I already did it, of course), I did almost all of the christmas baking, I did all of the cooking in preparation for Christmas day and what we needed to take to Aunty Sandy's, I did some of the cooking for Christmas Eve dinner here, I wrapped daddy's gifts (because he hates wrapping), I helped do dishes at Aunty Joanne's today, I peeled and cooked the potatoes and helped set up the table at Aunty Sandy's today, I helped my mum with the shopping for the Christmas dinners/games that we play...basically, I do a ton of the Christmas work. And when Grandma always had Christmas, I helped her with the cooking and cleaning and wrapping presents and putting on the dinners there. I've been raised to be the good daughter/future wife and not complain about it. But you know what, I HATE CHRISTMAS. And I always end up doing the work for it. I object.
And that is my rant about that.
But ya, overall, Christmas went well. Mum was pleased anyway. And I guess that's what counts as she's the one that likes Christmas.
I'll be back in the city on the 29th...we should party on New Year's if ya'll will be around.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Loserface
Hank called me a loserface. Most of you don't know Hank, but he's Janna's fake rooster that looks so very real and creepy and is missing an eye. And he called ME a loserface. Ouch. Coming from a fake, one-eyed rooster, that hurts. Cut me deep lol.
I have my first exam today at 9am. And I have the Asian Factor. It may be racist, but it's true, and their screwing me over on the curve. Although, i have managed to stay at about class average, and I'm okay with that. Bs and Cs get degrees! Or, if you prefer, D is for Degree. Because it doesn't matter what grades you get, as long as you have the degree when you leave, no one is going to look at your marks. Or at least that's what I tell myself.
Janna and I watched Bend It Like Beckham last night, and now I am totally in like with Jonathon Rhys Myers. I want his babies. I want his gorgeous, irish-catholic, irish-accented babies. Seriously, I could listen to him forever. *swoon*
I couldn't sleep last night, which was fairly rediculous. I just keep replaying things in my head, what I could have said or done differently, even though it really doesn't matter because I did what I had to do. I'm just...so very lonely. I need to know someone loves me enough to put up with my crazyness. I want to go to sleep feeling safe and wake up knowing I'm not alone. I don't want to be left alone with my thoughts anymore. All they do is depress me.
I have my first exam today at 9am. And I have the Asian Factor. It may be racist, but it's true, and their screwing me over on the curve. Although, i have managed to stay at about class average, and I'm okay with that. Bs and Cs get degrees! Or, if you prefer, D is for Degree. Because it doesn't matter what grades you get, as long as you have the degree when you leave, no one is going to look at your marks. Or at least that's what I tell myself.
Janna and I watched Bend It Like Beckham last night, and now I am totally in like with Jonathon Rhys Myers. I want his babies. I want his gorgeous, irish-catholic, irish-accented babies. Seriously, I could listen to him forever. *swoon*
I couldn't sleep last night, which was fairly rediculous. I just keep replaying things in my head, what I could have said or done differently, even though it really doesn't matter because I did what I had to do. I'm just...so very lonely. I need to know someone loves me enough to put up with my crazyness. I want to go to sleep feeling safe and wake up knowing I'm not alone. I don't want to be left alone with my thoughts anymore. All they do is depress me.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Good Idea? Probably Not.
I just need to comment on the absolute awesomeness that was Caridee winning ANTM. Take that Melrose! And who totally loved how Melrose tried to get in on the Caridee-Eugenia hug and then horribly failed? ME TOO! Seriously, wtf was that about? But whatever, it doesn't matter because Caridee won. And we all cheered.
I was then convinced to go out to Cook County with a bunch of people. Probably not the greatest idea, but the thought of two-stepping and cowboys lured me out. Only to find that it was closed. As was I-Ho. So two cabs of us met up at Funky Bhudda (which was populated by the token old drunk guy and pretty much no one else) and decided to go to Stolli's. Which also sucked. So we then went to Windsors, which was okay because we shot some pool, and then Siobhan came and found us. And then we went to Duke's for all of two seconds and then back to Lister. And I was drunk.
I pretty much spent the rest of the night sleeping it off on a Lister couch (sketch) interspersed with some makeing-out on aforementioned Lister couch(double sketch). And then was walked home at like, 6am. And I shall be hitting up the library at 8am for some good studying time.
Was any of that a good idea? Probably not. But it was fun.
I was then convinced to go out to Cook County with a bunch of people. Probably not the greatest idea, but the thought of two-stepping and cowboys lured me out. Only to find that it was closed. As was I-Ho. So two cabs of us met up at Funky Bhudda (which was populated by the token old drunk guy and pretty much no one else) and decided to go to Stolli's. Which also sucked. So we then went to Windsors, which was okay because we shot some pool, and then Siobhan came and found us. And then we went to Duke's for all of two seconds and then back to Lister. And I was drunk.
I pretty much spent the rest of the night sleeping it off on a Lister couch (sketch) interspersed with some makeing-out on aforementioned Lister couch(double sketch). And then was walked home at like, 6am. And I shall be hitting up the library at 8am for some good studying time.
Was any of that a good idea? Probably not. But it was fun.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Revving up for Finals
It's been awhile since I've posted. Mainly because I have to life about which to post, but also because I really don't know what to say. What's too much? What's too little? Theoretically, I can post whatever the heck I want and everyone just gets to deal with it, but at the same time, I don't want to too much information anyone.
Anyway. I've been stressing out lately. About everything. I'm an arts student, I really don't have all that much to stress about. I mean, I know I'm just propagating the stereotype here, but it's kind of true in my case. I really don't have all that much pressing work I need to do. Mostly readings and questions I should do. But I'm very much tired of university. I like some of my classes, but I don't really have any motivation to go. I just want to crawl in bed and stay there until May. That would be nice. And I've started obsessing about my weight again, which kind of scares me. But I want to be thin. I want to be attractive. I want to be wanted. I want to be those pretty girls with the bitch walk that know they're hot and don't look like they give a damn what you think. But I'm not. I'm not any of those things. All I can do is want. And try to lose weight.
I'm going home this weekend. Partially because my mum's been bugging me for weeks, but partially because I need a break. I love living in Edmonton, and I love living with Janna and Fleg, and I love our random dinner parties/tv nights with the guys. But I need a break. I need to just get away from everything and re-evaluate. I need to stop not caring about school. I need....a new life. A new perspective.
And I would like a big spoon. Well, a slightly more permanent big spoon. But it is what it is. And I have no time to find/have a boyfriend. Not like I'm beating them off with a stick or anything. But se la vie. Life goes on.
"Love humiliates you. Hatred cradles you." - Ingrid, White Oleander
Anyway. I've been stressing out lately. About everything. I'm an arts student, I really don't have all that much to stress about. I mean, I know I'm just propagating the stereotype here, but it's kind of true in my case. I really don't have all that much pressing work I need to do. Mostly readings and questions I should do. But I'm very much tired of university. I like some of my classes, but I don't really have any motivation to go. I just want to crawl in bed and stay there until May. That would be nice. And I've started obsessing about my weight again, which kind of scares me. But I want to be thin. I want to be attractive. I want to be wanted. I want to be those pretty girls with the bitch walk that know they're hot and don't look like they give a damn what you think. But I'm not. I'm not any of those things. All I can do is want. And try to lose weight.
I'm going home this weekend. Partially because my mum's been bugging me for weeks, but partially because I need a break. I love living in Edmonton, and I love living with Janna and Fleg, and I love our random dinner parties/tv nights with the guys. But I need a break. I need to just get away from everything and re-evaluate. I need to stop not caring about school. I need....a new life. A new perspective.
And I would like a big spoon. Well, a slightly more permanent big spoon. But it is what it is. And I have no time to find/have a boyfriend. Not like I'm beating them off with a stick or anything. But se la vie. Life goes on.
"Love humiliates you. Hatred cradles you." - Ingrid, White Oleander
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)