Just plain terrible.

Today was terrible. Just plain terrible. I think it was the worst day in the past few weeks infact. And there wasn't any particular reason for it, it just was. I felt like crying at the slightest provocation all day. And nearly did for no provocation. *sigh* I guess it was just one of those days. I can't believe exams are coming up so soon. I am absolutely scared shitless (if I may be vulgar for a moment). I am seriously questioning my decision to remain in IB. WHAT WAS I THINKING?! Clearly, I wasn't. *sighalot* There will be some major studying going on this weekend.

Crisis averted, yet life sucks more

Crisis averted, I found the bio syllabus. It was hiding in my binder the entire time. Silly Mare. However, life still sucks uberly (if I may use a word I hate). I did absolutely terrible on the history test we got back today. This is the first time in the history of history class that I've gotten the floor. It hurts. It hurts alot. And I am supposedly going to use it on Exams? Yikes. That sure doesn't inspire confidence. Loads of studying to do. I also bombed Chem with flying colors, but really, if your going to do something, you mights as well do it big. Go big or go home! *sigh* I hate school.

You know, I'm really worried about Diana. She wasn't so good today, and when I notice, it must be very noticable. She's trying to lose weight, and hse very obviously doesn't need to (thus she hasn't eaten lunch in quite a while). And Nick, fool that he is, doesn't help the situation by his stupid remarks that he doesn't think about before he says them. He isn't serious, but she takes it to heart and it hurts her every time. All she sees now are her own imperfections magnified more times than they ought to be. God I wish I could say something to Nick sometimes. Surely he must see that it hurts her. No man can be that blind, can he? *sigh* Men.

Commence Panicing NOW

I am unable to find my Bio syllabus. Crap. I'm ready to hyperventilate. i have seriously searched my folder, backpack, binders, and duoatanges 3 times, plus my room, the kitchen, and the living room. The only thing keeping me from going into convulsions is the hope that it is in my locker somewhere. Oh please let it be in my locker. PLEASE LET IT BE IN MY LOCKER. In other news... I am quite disenchanted with the whole education process. Or, in the everlasting words of Fleg : "I am so over high school". *sigh* Mind you I've been "so over highschool" for a rather long time. I miss having enough sleep. I don't remember what it feels like to be relaxed anymore. Tension is the only thing holding me together anymore, otherwise I would form a puddle on the floor. I don't even know if I could handle being without tension. It's been a part of me for so long I might be afraid to go without it. Just like having enough sleep. I don't think I'll ever get used to it again. *sigh* I wonder what the world would be like if we didn't have so much homework, got enough sleep, and had time to do things with friends on the weekends. The dream of Utopia. More, we salute you.

The Past is never really relegated to the past

I know this is old and you probably don't want to hear anymore but, please, just indulge me. You know, it seems that every now and then, my mother likes to bring up the topic of Cody. Now, I realize that she isn't doing it on purpose to guilt trip me, or try and hurt me or anthything, but everytime she does, a little part of me just wants to curl up and die. A very small part of me, but it is there nonetheless. Because, I know, I just know that mum really liked him. Daddy did too actually, and they were incredibly dissapointed in me when I ended it. Mum, of course, didn't hesistate to say so, but daddy's reaction was worse. He just gave me a look and the dissapointed sigh as he walked away. The DISSAPOINTED SIGH. Anyway, that isn't really what I'm here to talk about. Apparently, mum was talking to his grandma today and he hasn't been around lately like he used to be, ever since he started dating Amy. I don't particularly care all that much (I mean, I CARE, but it's not as if it affects me anymore), but just that phrase, that loaded phrase, "used to". I don't think it was inteded to be loaded, but that's what it sounded like to my paranoid brain that is used to interpreting most things as guilt-tripping. "Used to", as in "back in the day when he was happy", as in "back when he was dating you". I know it's just my paranoia, but I can't help putting this spin on it. And it's no one's fault but mine, because I can't help but feel this incredible guilt for everthing I've done. So every time my mum brings him up, it's like another knife just jabbed into my stomach. Every time that phrase is brought up (as it invaribly seems to be thses days), that horrible "used to" I feel like it's my fault. Like there was something I could have done to make things better. Well, obviously, but I'm fairly happy where I am now. Not that there's things I wouldn't change if I could (I mean come on, I have a lot of regrets, but that is another story for another time), but had my descision been different, I wouldn't be where I am today. And I wouldn't give up Mark for the world. But there are definitely things I would have done differently. It's just, I can't go back. I can't change things, no matter how much I want to. Hell , I wouldn't re-live grade 9 if you paid me, it just wouldn't be worth it. But I can't help feeling majorly guilty, every time he's mentioned. God, I can barely look him in the face on the rare occasion I see him. Which hasn't actually been for nearly a year. Will I ever stop feeling guilty? Probably not. But someday, perhaps that little part of me that dies everytime my mother mentions him will finally be able to face the mistakes I made and just shudder, instead of dieing. He may have forgiven me, but will I ever forgive myself?

Tests Failed: 2 ; # of Mares sick: 1

Mare loses again. School: 2, Mare: 0 . I really need to study more. Or just study. That works too, as I have barely studied at all. Damn IB. *shakes fist* DAMN IT TO HELL! Anywho, I plan on studying history tonight (who isn't?) and then perhaps I will go over some bio. But we'll see. I may just pass out from tiredness. Damn being sick to hell too! Blast it all! I'm feeling much better compared to Saturday, and yet I feel ready to drop from exhaustion! What is up with that? If this is what having an immune system is all about, I may just plan to give it up and go live in a bubble. Yes, I think I will. I like bubbles. *sigh*. The studying never ends. It just never ends.

Tests: 1; w/s due: 1; # of Mares sick: 1

Oh, Mare loses. Chalk one up for school. So today was uneventful. I went to the mall at lunch and purchased a Death Cab For Cutie cd (Photo Album), which is quite good. The lyrics are strange, but I enjoy the sound. It's very tranquil. Apparently, DCFC is classified as "Indie", but it really doesn't sound it. Whatevs. I also placed an order for Scarlett, which is nearly the hottest novel known to man. Rhett + Scarlett = hottastical. I went looking for shoes, but all I could find were some ugly pieces of plastic any person with the tiniest amount of sense would never wear. Seriously, EW. Stilletoes? No thank you. I value my feet and wish to be able to use them the next day. And, I'm sorry, but WHAT IS WITH THE DORKY PLASTIC "FLOWERS"? Their uglyness takes my breath away. As do the gaudy rhinestoned ... things ... that belong in a five-year old's dress-up trunk. What has happened to footwear lately? *sigh* maybe I should just go barefoot to grad. Or wear my sneakers. No one is actually going to see my feet anyway...*sigh* being a girl sucks.

As stolen from somewhere else

My name is: Mare!
I may seem:like I escaped from a mental institution
People who know me think: well I should hope so! I'm not going to know people who don't think! Ok really, people who know me think...that they know me
If you knew me you’d probably: be in IB. That's right, 'friends' and 'fellow IB-ers' has become INTERCHANGEABLE!
Sometimes I feel: like running out into oncoming traffic shouting that THE END IS NEAR! ... but I don't.
My days are pretty: stressfull, yet dull
Yesterday: sucked, but I'm getting over it.
In the morning I: wonder why I'm bothering to get out of bed
I like to sleep: ...I think that statement says it all. I LIKE TO SLEEP.
If I could be doing anything right now I would be: sleeping. or helping my melanin to come out of hiding and show itself
Money: is required for university... I should get some
One thing I don’t have that I wish I did is: sanity, but excluding that a lock on my bedroom door would be nice
One thing I have that I wish I didn’t is: this stupid disease that seems to be going around the petri dish that is our class
All you need is: love...hmmm hmmmm hmmm (oh the old cliched song that is)
All I need is: to make it through IB exams without a nervous breakdown
If I had one wish it would be: to accelerate through may and june
If I could see one person right now it would be: Mark. We were suppose to do summat today, but I'm too sick :(
Something I want but I don’t really need is: more shoes
I live for: making my parents/family happy (which will never happen, but hey, I can dream)
I am afraid of: the dark, people discovering who I really am
It makes me angry when: people are jerks. and when people tell racist jokes (which really makes them jerks)
I dream about: Things I would really rather not
I daydream about: finally finishing exams and getting out of highschool. And away from here.

A question of ethics?

Alrighty, so here is Mare's ethical struggle for the day. As per my request, Ryan emailed me the answers to the Paper 2 that we have to hand in Monday that James found on the internet. Strictly speaking, I'm not copying the answers straight off of the key, I'm more using it as a 'helpful hints' type thing where I look at it if I'm having trouble. The ethical question is: Is this cheating? So far, I'm only half-way through question 2 (my well-intentioned work ethic isn't doing so well today - more intentions than actual work), so if it is cheating I haven't gotten very far with it. Actually, the main reason I'm still on #2 is I hate vectors and suck at them, so I'm trying to get through them based on notes, which really isn't working. Anywho, let's take a poll: Cheating or Not?

So today's "Quotes of the Day" email had a fantabulous quote which I think describes my life wonderfully: "I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it" - Garrison Keillor . Really, this is what I do everyday. Well, mainly when I have problems that need to be addressed. I like to deny that there is a problem in the hopes of making it go away. See, if I act like it isn't there, maybe it will realize it has no friends and go away to find some. Unfortunately, this never works. However, I am attempting to grow out of my five-year-old mentality and address my problems. Clare and Rabe can attest to my attempts. Badly done, almost non-existent attempts, but attempts nonetheless. Which reminds me...I talked to Mark about my issue with ... oh what shall we call him ...Vlad will work, I suppose ... and he recommended I talk to Vlad's gf. As good as this advice is I don't really know Vlad's gf well enough to talk to her, so I emailed Vlad to try and get a better handle on the sitch. And, I was pleasantly surprised, he actually opened up a little. Now I need to figure out what to do. Crap. I suck in these situations. I replied to his email, so I'm waiting for a response, which could take a few days. I'll keep you updated.

Updation

Ok, along with the new look, I have also updated the links section. Willis & Rabe, I hope you don't mind. Just let me know if you want them taken down. Also put up is a link to thisfish. It is a hottastic example of blogging (which was introduced to me by Willis, so good jobbage!) and has loads of funny stories. The last link is for the band Death Cab For Cutie, which made an appearance on the OC last night. It is quite the hot band. If you go to their site, you can hear them (music just starts playing). I'm thinking of actually buying a CD. We'll see. Anywho, that's about all for now, as I feel like going downstairs and suffocating myself with a pillow. At least that way I'd stop coughing. Happy immune systems everyone!

A new day, a new look.

Due to the discovery by a set of parental units, I have had to relocate (as you all know). However, I though that a new adress deserves a new look. And I was getting tired of the old one.

Jesus people came to visit me again today. This time it was a lady, a guy and a little boy. This is ever so odd. I mean, every so often you get the JW people, but they don't like to stand on my porch with little children and read to me about everlasting life and what it means. But hey, if that's what they want to do with thier day, why not? But they always seem to choose a time when neither of my parents are home. And I looked (or rather look, since I still do) like absolute hell. On wheels. I haven't dressed or brushed my hair or anthing, and yet chose to answer the door. Oh well, if my stunning uglyness hasn't chased them away for ever, nothing will. Poor Jesus people.

The Bus

And so. Today has been a relatively normal day, down to the same shiney black shoes and cup of coffee I have for breakfast. How boring. However, I did ride the bus today, which is always an adventure in itself. Crackho was on (as per usual), but I think that God may have taken pity on me and used some divine intervention because she neither sang nor ran around the bus shouting that she was on crack. However, there was a new and rather displeasing development on 51. Creepy "Akeko" girl and her band of creepy IB creepers (whom I shall herafter refer to as IBFreaks) were being particularly loud and obnoxious. Now, normally they just discuss anime in extremely loud voices and read each other stories that they wrote the previous night. Quite bad, painfully horrendous stories gilled with grammer that would curl Willis's hair, but I can handle it. Today, though, oh today they decided to be different. 2 out of the 4 IBFreaks decided to shout various monolouges from Atlantis. All the way to the Fort. In the seat directly behind me. In unison. GAH! Sometimes, I seriously wonder about the future of IB. With such students as the IBFreaks, there is no hope for tomorrow. Poor IB. And to think, I feel sorry for that 'program' [read: hell] that it has to deal with IBFreaks. Actually, you know what? I don't feel sorry for it. It deserves it.

New pope

Well ladies, we now have a new pope. A german one, in fact. Pope Benedict XVI, to be specific. Not that I was really following the issue with excitement or anything, but I am rather dissapointed that they went so conservative (although I can't say I'm surprised). I was hoping for a pope that was a litle more forward looking and not anti-gay and anti-birth control. With the HIV and AIDS rates so high in places like Africa, one would think supporting birth control would just be practical. Apparently not. However, he is anti-abortion, which is definitely a good thing.

Today was ok. I didn't have to write Euclid, which was super hot. And we had yearbook, so that was super. AND yearbook is maybe going to be on Thursdays as well as Tuesdays! I'm quite excited. I mean, as much as I absolutely love home, I think I could take one for the team. coughSARCASMALOTcough. I'm sorry if I snapped at anyone today. I was being quite the ass. Lack of sleep mixed with an already stressed mare yeilds an ass of the first order. So yes, sorry if I wasn't nice. TAR is on tonight, which is hottastic. And I have to study. So..enough sleep for mare. YAY!

The 3 most heard phrases of Mare's life.

Did you know that I eat too much? Did you also know that I can't live on caffeine forever? Did you similarly know that I look terrible? Well, it's a good thing I was informed, or else I would have been under the mistaken delusion that I eat enough, can live on caffeine, and look decent. Seriously though, WTF?! I bloody know that I eat too god damn much. I am under no pretenses about caffeine and my ability to live on it. And really, I have a mirror, I know that I look terrible. Do they think I don't tell myself that every day? Clearly, I can, and do, do a much better job of putting myself down. I am just so tired. Of everything. I try so hard, and it's never good enough. It never will be good enough. And yet I still try. I've given up breakfast except for a cup of coffee. I haven't eaten lunch since the eighth grade. I have lost 5 lbs and am working on the next 5. I really do try hard to do well in school. I've made an effort to look half-decent, but as it clearly isn't working, it's gone by the wayside. But hey, clearly my best effort isn't good enough. And yet I still try. I will run myself into the ground trying to make them happy. But what is the point? There isn't one, and I still can't let go. I hate what they're doing to me, what I am doing to myself, but I can't help it. I just don't know hoe to stop. Every time we have a major fight, I have all of this emotion locked up and I don't know what to do with it. So, I take it out in unhealthy ways. I know they're unhealthy. I know I shouldn't. I really do try not to. But then we have another major altercation and I can't stop myself. It's been like this for so long I can't even remember a time when it wasn't. But then again, I do have excellent memory repression. *sigh* Can anyone guess the 3 most heard phrases of Mare's life?

I just posted all of this to get it off my chest. So, sorry if I've disturbed anyone. I'll be alright in the morning. I would appreciate it if this doesn't go beyond the blog. Also, I don't really want to talk about this at any time, so I'm disabling the comments for this post.

Good day

Contrary to expectations, today was actually a fairly good day. I spent most of the morning outside playing, which I haven't done in a very long time. I've decided to make my rowboat a pirate ship and am going to rig a sail and flag as soon as I have time (haha, time, good one). My pirate name shall be Red-Handed Jill, and I shall be the captian of my ship, which I have yet to name. Who wants to be part of my crew? And I played with by bow and arrows and just had fun in general. Then Mark came over for the afternoon and part of this evening which was, as always, loads of fun. Although, I was informed that a certain male friend of Mark's has commented on my butt. I find this intensely creepy, does anyone else? Anyway, we watched this absolutely horrible Jacki Chan movie that was dubbed in (I think it was Twin Dragons or summat like that). I really do not recommend it. So basically, my homework today consisted of organizing my history w/s and deciding which need to be finished. But, once again, I shall endevour to do some studying before bed. And on that note, I think I shall head off so I can get to bedfordshire at a decent time.

The NEW sexy pants

Rabe, your pants are divine. In fact, I may now have a new pair of sexy pants! How hot is that? In fact, how hot and STEAMY is that? I really need to study physics and chem, but I just can't seem to make myself look at it for more than half an hour at a time. Crap. Oh well, I suppose. At least my parents aren't home again today.

Friday of alonenes

I was alone today as my parents felt the compulsion to go to an auction in Balf (the middle of nowhere), which is just fine with me. In fact, I wish they would more often. So basically, I did nothing this morning except watch the rest of my Alias discs and the last of my history w/s. I started studying for physics this evening though. Clare and Rabe and I went over to see Nick today. he seems like he's doing alright, so that's really good. I hope he is. My head is absolutely killing me. I took some drugs (that's right Rabe, DRUGS! from my supplyer!) so hopefully they will kick in soon and then everything will be good. I have yet to phone Mark to see how everything is going down this weekend, but I'll get around to it later. You know what's annoying? My parents are acting all 'oh, there is absolutely nothing wrong', even though i got into trouble last night (see yesturday's post). I hate that. I'm sorry, but I can't let go quite that easily. Perhaps my priorities are still all wrong. Maybe I should rearrange them. (those last two sentences were thought with sarcasm and a scathing tone) But perhaps I just need to get over my issues. What ever. I shall attempt to drown my issues with coffee and dessert pizza (what a healthy supper), and then immerse myself in the world of physics. I'm sure that will make me feel so much better (more sarcasm guys).

Fitting end to the week.

You know, we've had some bad weeks, but I think this one ranks up there with the worst of them. And today was fitting end to a horrible week. I got in trouble for cutting off my mother when I was talking to her on the phone because she was telling me where the funeral is going to be when I really didn't need to know at the time. Really, what was I going to do with that information at the time? I suppose I could have been a lot nicer, but I only have so much patience, and it has been used up for today. So yes, according to my dad, I could "show a lot more respect for [my] mother". Also, I apparently "look teribble" and I need to "rearrange [my] priorities" because I'm not taking enough care of myself. Clearly, Mare thinks too highly of herself and we must take every opportunity to tell her how bad she looks and that she clearly doesn't know what is important in her life. I mean really, my self-esteem is much too high. I would really like to know what exactly I am suppose to rearragne in order to find more time to sleep. Perhaps I could do my homework in a different order? I HAVE NOTHING TO REARRANGE! Maybe I should just ignore the fact that I have multiple exams for the next month and a half. That will definitely ensure good marks AND sleep. I just felt like screaming "what do you want from me? what more can I do to make YOU happier?" But I didn't. Instead, I burst out crying as soon as dad left the room. My poor asparugi were nearly drowned. And then I went down to my room to cry some more whilst I unpacked. But, Mare has compartmentalized and bottled sufficiently to allow her to come out of her seclusion. So tonight, I shall watch OC, perhaps Alias, and do some homework. And then go to bed. Perhaps I'll wake up just in time to move in to res.

What's today? Tuesday? Sure.

ANYWHO...I would just like to point out that Willis has left me out of the survey rounds...*sniff*. Willis, am I not worthy to see your survey answers?! *tear* lol. Today was pretty generic other than getting my stitches out, which really wasn't nearly as bad as Rabe made it seem. But yes...history was quite dull. And I missd the "darling"! *sob* My favorite part and I missed it. But I did well enough on my math exam, so that's exciting. At least now I can replace that 28% I got on the last test...yikes. Getting my stitches out was actually fun. After, I went and got a Blizzard (which made me feel incredibly sick afterwards, but I got over it), and then took my time getting back to school. And then dawdled around in the parking lot. And then pondered what I should get out of my locker. And then wandered over to physics lol. I took as much time as possible. Yearbook was aight. Theb abd I had a lovely chat. And then I took as much time as possible to get ready before I went home lol. And you know what, I've decided! I'm way too hungry to keep skipping breakfast, so if I get fat and ugly OH WELL! My mother and grandmum and whoever else can KISS MY **FINE** ARSE! That's right! If I can't fit into my grad dress, I'll get a corset for the night, and Rabe and Clare can lace me in! So there! *sticks out tongue* Sorry, that's my dose of immaturity for the evening. Now I really ought to stop stalling and go study..

As stolen from Willis

A is for Age: 17
B is for Boyfriend: Mark
C is for Career: well, I'm hoping for Foreign Service Officer, I'll fall back on Economist
D is for Dad's name: Mitch
E is for Essential item to bring to a party: myself.
F is for Favorite song at the moment: Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley and Allison Krauss
G is for Girlfriend:oh, I have many
H is for Hometown: the FORT!
I is for instruments you play: piano, clarinet (poorly)
J is for Jam or Jelly you like: strawberry
K is for Kids: do Mark's illigitimate children in England count if I'm importing them?
L is for Living arrangements: with the 'rents. ugh.
M is for Month you were born: August
N is for Name of your best friend: Evan
O is for Overnight hospital stays: none!!!
P is for Phobia[s]: the dark (pathetic, but I can't help it)
Q is for Quote you like: "Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity." ~Henry Bromel
is for Relationship that lasted the longest: the one that I'm in (1year, 3 months!)
S is for Smile: now that I have my teeth fixed, I can!
T is for Time you wake up: 5 am when I need to study, 6 am for school, 7 am regular
U is for Unique trait: my natural ability to crash into anything mounted to the floor when I'm tired
V is for Vegetable you love: broccoli (with cheese!)
W is for Worst habit: procrastination, occasionaly biting my nails
X is for X-rays you've had: dentist, when I broke my toe, when they thought I broke my finger,
Y is for Yummy food you make: I can make pretty much anything as long as I have directions (exception Creme Brule)
Z is for Zodiac sign: Leo

One of those days

Today was just one of those days. You know, that kind of day when you're completely tired and everything just kind of whooshes over your head. I had yet another fight with my mum this morning. Last weeke I was eating too much, this week I'm not eating enough. Good god, make up your flaming mind. So that was fun. Today was really quite unremarkable. Well, Mark completely embarrassed and scandalized me in English, but really, he tries to do that on a regular basis. We had a lovely walk at lunch. We being Al, Clare, and I. We were very nearly run down by a vehicle, but that wouldn't have put me out. Less tests if you've been run down. I've done basically nothing tonight. Just the math w/s and some English questions. But I'll study for history and summat else before I go to bed. Oh, but I did watch Nanny 911 and Supernanny tonight. I like Nanny Jo the best, but Nanny Deb is good too. Nanny Yvonne is just not good at all. I wish I had a nanny. *sigh* Anywho, I better be off if I want to study.

LACK of productivity

In response to Clare's comment, while Mare would undoubtedly enjoy the hot hunk of man cookie, she would feel incredibly guilty eating something so HOTT. Clearly, hot hunks of men are there to be gazed at with wildly beating hearts and fluttering eyelashes. Unlike Willis, Mare has not been productive at all. However, she will make up for it by studing tonight before she goes to bed and then get up early to study more. Silly Mare, always procrastinating. However, I did attempt the math sheet and realized I know nothing. Oh, I also completed the essay. So I suppose I did do something, but certainly did not capitalize on the weekend study time. Oh Mare, why are you such a procrastinator? Mind you, I was also at confirmation mass today, and then back at the house for cake and a light luncheon. At which I ate entirely too much, but it wouldn't have been polite not to eat. But so much for not eating ice cream. *sigh* Wellness Centre here I come. Anywho, I basically just read all day. And while it was enjoyable, it wasn't IB oriented, therefor not productive. Well, short entry today (compared to usual I sippose). Now, off Mare goes to study!

Productivity

Well, today has been very productive...ahahahaha...oh where is that sarcasm key when you need it? I did 3/4 of a history worksheet, studied some FR, cleaned my room, went to church and currently have 59 words of my essay completed. How hot. And I really meant to do things today but...I really don't know what happened. I will definitely have to buckle down tomorrow. *sigh* Oh well. At least my bed smells Downy fresh! I love Downy. I had a very interesting experience this afternoon which certainly did not put me in a nice mood. I was making myself coffee and I put milk in it (of course). I was about to add sugar and then notice little white bits floating in my coffee. Ew. The milk had gone bad on me. AND I JUST OPENED IT! Drat it all. And to top it off, my dad insisted that it was still good (even though it expired yesturday) and I had to watch him drink it. Double ew. I certainly was not hungry for lunch. But then I had to make myself a whole new cup of coffee, because the first cup was ruined. It was really very sad. And I ate too much. BUT the good news is, I can finally fit into a pair of pants that I haven't been able to do up in months! Yay!

Just in case I ever need one...

Your Porn Star Name is: Spanky Bottoms

Get your own Porn Star Name

Spanky Bottoms...creepy

Damn blogger...

FINALLY I was able to post yesturday's post. Damn blogger always eating my posts...*shakes fist in a random direction*. One of these days, we will have words, blogger and I. Anyway, on to today. Today has been kind of a blur. Rather odd, but there it is. I actually got a decent enough night's sleep last night. And when I say decent, I mean I didn't wake up because of a nightmare. It's really very odd. Every so often, I go through a period where I have a nightmare nearly every night for a few months or so. Even with my nightlight, sometimes I keep myself awake because I'm too afraid to go back to sleep. Kind of baby-ish, but I can't help it. Look what you have to look forward to in res Rabe! So ya, I got about 5 hours of uninteruppted sleep, so all good! Except I was too lazy to brew coffee this morning, consequently the hot chocolate did nothing to keep me awake, hence the little nap I took during history. I figured Mr Ross would have dissaproved, but as he didn't hit me with his stick or anything, I'll deduce that he wasn't too bothered. Although Willis's desk is slightly tipped forward, which is a little awkward for writing. I don't really remember much of the rest of today, so it must not have been all that facinating. Or it was and I just didn't notice. Either way, I don't remember. Daddy bought me instant coffee today, HUZZAH! And it tastes wonderful. I heart coffee. In fact, we may be having an affair. Stay tuned to find out. Daddy also bought me fresh broccoli and more PB granola bar thingys. Sooooooooo good. Oh, I finished season 2 of Alias just now and Willis, HOLY WHAT THE FRICK?! THEY CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'LL SUE! I'LL STALK THEM AND THEN, WHEN THEY LEAST EXPECT IT, I'LL BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF THEM WITH MY MASSIVE BACKPACK! I MAY EVEN RECRUIT CLARE TO HELP ME! Just...just grr! *sigh* Has Season 3 come out on disk yet? *uber sigh* I am so hungry. One of these days, I'm going to lose all self control and eat until I puke. And then eat some more. Just to spite my family. And then I'll get morbidly obese, and it will serve them right for insinuating that I have to be 110 pound when I get married. And that I won't fit into my grad dress because I eat too much. And that if I am larger than a twig it is unacceptable. That's right, FOR SPITE!

the day that was thursday

Well today was Thursday. Not Wednesday, not Friday, but Thursday. I'm glad that we were able to establish that fact. So today was pretty much just another day. Watching Willis nearly fall out of his chair during History was slightly amuzing, if equally off-putting as I was constantly afraid he was going to fall out of his chair. That would not have been good. Not good at all. Oh I think I pretty much bombed the paragraph part of the English test. Yup, should have re-read. Oh well; the milk is spilt but the cat will lick it up. Lunch was fun. I 'heart' (if I may borrow from Willis) the park. I think the entire class went into a coma during chem. It was quite interesting. Perhaps that's why John Paul (oh what shall we call him?) left us to 'check on the lab' and 'allow us to collect ourselves'. Exactly what were we suppose to collect? Hmm, it is a pickle. But I am allowed to work out tomorrow with two certain vivacious and luscious ladies, so HOT! And ROAR! The OC is on tonight, which I plan on watching along with studying like mad so that I will possess some mad math skillz for tomorrow. I LIKE COFFEE

How depressing.

It took me an hour, but I've done it. All my notes that can be, are duotanged and labled. Now, I can point to three piles made up of duotangs, binders and textbooks, and say "there is two years of my life". If I really wanted, I could add my grade 10 notes and make it three years. How depressing. Oh well, now to study!

Early out, how do I love thee?

Well, actually I really don't. But hey, I'll take an extra hour in which to possibly do homework. I picked up Modern Perspectives today, so hot! I really enjoyed that text (one of the more readable ones anyway). There really isn't much to report about from today. School was boring, I actually worked in spare. So yes, nothing earth shattering. I need coffee.

Another day, another yearbook session

Rabe, do you love my font sizes lately? They are absolutely huge and unweildy, but I'm doing it for you! Anyway, on to today. Hmmm.. Today wasn't all that bad. English was frightfully boring. Why does she insist on telling us things we already know, but not the stuff that's usefull? I have to say, I think I would do better teaching myself if I had the curriculum rubric. Lunch was full of typing my history notes up (how fun). You know, sometimes the people in the computer lab really freak me out. There were some shady characters there today (if I may borrow Clare's word). Kind of creepy, but oh well. Bio and Chem were ass-numbingly dull, but so they always are. I'm just glad I didn't have to write much in Chem. Less notes = less typing. Yearbook was quite entertaining. We looked at everyone's grad pics and sorted alphabettically (something James seems incapable of doing for some odd reason). Perhaps it's creepy, but I really like alphabetizing things. Perhaps this is why my bookshelf is alphabetized. You know, I really enjoy yearbook. It's an extra hour that I don't have to be at home. It's an extra hour and a half I get to spend with Mark. I love walking down the hallways at school when there's only a few of us and it all just seems so peaceful and calm. There aren't any notes, there is no teacher that is demanding we do well because we're IB, there's just no...expectations. It's really nice. And Mrs. Yearbook Teacher brought her baby in today. She's so cute (the baby, not Mrs YT). I love babies. Not that I want one of my own or anything, but they're so cute. And they need someone to look after them. And they love you back without caring what you wiegh, what you look like, or how good your grades are. *sigh* But they had her dressed in pink. PINK! Ugh. I hate pink. Yes, I understand she's a girl, but that does not mean she should have to suffer such cruel and unusual treatment as being stuffed into frilly pink clothes. Ick. Home tonight has not been very productive. I did a few questions of a history worksheet and finished reading my FR and Napoleon notes. It just got very boring, so I decided to post. Basically, I watched tv for a couple of hours and then decided to do work, which got boring quite fast. Not so good. Oh, and apparently if I keep eating the way I am I am not going to fit into my grad dress. Fine. Whatever. Maybe I'll just stop eating altogether. Will that make you happy? Of course not. You'll just find something else to comment on. But of course you never mean it the way I hear it. No, you never mean to hurt me. But you know what, you do, and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of pretending that it doesn't hurt. I'll never be the person you want me to be and I'm sorry. I try my best and if that isn't good enough, I'll just have to try harder. I'll never be the person you want me to be, but I'll try. What have I got to lose? Nothing. I lost everything a long time ago.

Oh how true!

In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them. -- Johann von Neumann

The dreaded first day back at school

Well, it was pretty much what I thought it would be. Although I was pleasantly surprised at my IA mark. I thought it would have been a lot lower, but (Huzzah!) I did really well. I didn't do all that badly on the exam paper either. Good jobbage Mare! Math was, of course, disastrous. I failed wonderfully, but then again, I knew that already. Lunch was productive. Spare less so, but I got my notes typed up, so that was good. Physics was quite unproductive, but really, what do you expect of me in physics? I also failed that exam, but once again, I was expecting it. Can we say 'replacement exam'? Yes we can! But yes, that was my boring day in a nutshell. A very small one. You know what song I like ALOT? Devil Went Down to Georgia. It's SO good! I wish I could play fiddle. *sigh* But I wish alot of things. Silly Mare, always wishing. You would have thought I would have learned by now. I really don't want to do homework tonight, but I think I should. Maybe a history worksheet or something like that. Oh well. Suck it up Mare!

Mare's Watershed

This is a watershed in the life of Mare: Mare's first ever stitches! That's right, today marks the event of the very first time Mare has ever had stiches. She cut herself at work. It was really quite odd. I was bleeding like a stuck pig, and yet i was the calmest one. How odd. Anyway, yes, that is the big event of today. And i now no longer have to work tomorrow as I am pretty much useless at the moment. I don't think I posted yesturday. Hmm..oh yes. I went to Mark's and then work. No big plans there. So yes, nothing else really comment worthy. Also, it's a little hard to type. Don't forget to 'spring ahead'!

How Redneck?

You Are 20% Redneck

I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style. You ain't no redneck - you're all Yankee!

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howredneckareyouquiz/">How Redneck Are You?