Cynical

"You know, if the rest of your generation is as cynical as you are, this world is going to be a very sad place." Or so says my mother.

I've never really thought of myself as a cynical person, more of a realist really, but if that's how you want to classify me, you go right ahead. I don't care anymore. I'm moving out. I just can't bring myself to care what you think of me anymore. But really, if I'm cynical don't you think that you helped me out on that one just a little? Because I sure didn't become that way on my own.

Let's just take a look at my house yesturday, shall we?

Mum: Get over here before I come over there and punch your lights out!
Dad: Get away from me woman, or you'll be getting a left hook!
Mum: Why do you always feel the need to put me down? I'm just trying to help.
Dad: Because you're a busy-body old bag.

Silence.

And that was after we came home from Fort Edmonton/dinner at Mark's. There were some choice phrases before we left as well, but I think I've already started repressing that memory becuase I don't remember what was said. It all starts to sound the same after a while anyway. I mean really, I've been listening to this since I was like, six. After twelve years, the threats get repetative. After all, how many different ways can you threaten to beat on someone?

I'm just so tired of it all. I guess it's one of the big reasons I'm so excited to move out. You know, it used to scare me when they fought. I remember hiding behind the couch a few times. But most of the time I just ignored it and cried myself to sleep later. After all, if they don't see you crying, they won't know that it bothers you.

Not that they ever paid attention to me anyway. Not when I was little and was scared they would get a divorce, not in grade nine when I was starving myself and got so depressed I nearly committed suicide, not in grade ten when I had a nervous breakdown and broke up with Cody, not in grade eleven and twelve when I had minor relapses with my eating, and not when I found out that I wasted three years in IB to achieve absolutely nothing. They've never noticed because they were always to wrapped up in their own problems.

You know what, I may be cynical, but I've earned the right to be. Besides, why should you care? You never have before, and it's a little late to start now.