Just Kill Me Now

Seriously, just get it over with. I hate this dragged-out, lingering death of sleep deprivation, lack of nutrition, and stress-induced lowering of my immune system. It's quite cruel really.

Basically, I think this has been the month of Hell. I work four shifts a week, I have midterms, assigments, and weekly spanish homework. I don't even have time to grocery shop. But that's okay, because I'm so tired I'm not even hungry anymore. But I secretly like that, because it means I might just lose that weight I've been wanting to get rid of. But then it makes me a little frightened that I'm thinking that, so I bought some meal supplements and drink one of those a day. I wish I had time to work out.

I have no life, whatsoever. I mean, I don't even have time to notice my lack of life, really, or the fact that I'm really lonely. I know I whine about it a lot, but I just want a boy. A good-smelling boy. One who will hold me while I'm sleeping and tell me that he loves me just as I am. I want to know that I'm loved. I want to know that I'm holding the last, ragged edges of my sanity together for a reason. Because I'm ready to let go. I'm just so tired of it all. What's the point? What's the point of going through 3 more years of hell for some degree that will probably be fairly useless to me anyway? What's the point of trying to look nice when boys don't notice anyway? What's the point of crying myself to sleep when there's no one to hear?

To sleep, perchance to dream...for in that sleep...what dreams may come

Chivalry's not dead, it's just drunk.

What did I do last night? I did what I do every Friday night, Pinky, work my ass off at the cafe. Much less exciting than taking over the world. But I finally met Natasha, who is very nice. She's from the Fac, but lives in Shaeffer this year. And being as she's in spanish, we practised our conversational skills while I waited with her at safeway for safewalk to escort her home.

On the way to Safeway, we were just talking and whatever, and this big group of drunken guys was walking towards us (well, towards the bars and more beer, I would assume. They were taking up most of the sidewalk, so when they came up to us, the guy next-to-closest to us grabs his friend who is about to run into us, hauls him, bodily, quite across the sidewalk, and says "my apologies" to us before carrying on his drunken way. Seriously, I think his friend's feet left the ground.

But good news ladies, Chivalry's NOT dead...it's just drunk.

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds'. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy

THE Dinner Party

We had a dinner party at the apartment with the Boys and Heather (Sarah's friend), which was fantabulous. I ended up doing most of the cooking, but I think it turned out okay food-wise. We also demolished seven bottles of wine and 5 bottles of corona. Between eight of us. Two of which left pretty well as soon as dinner was done. Needless to say, we were pretty slammered.

As it was determined that I couldn't stand up straight and did a whole bunch of work already, Kyle and Fleg did the dishes, which was awesome. And then we finished off the wine and watched Mean Girls. During which I promptly fell asleep. And then was woken up and pretty well carried to my room by Fleg. And then we were joined in my bed by Kris and had a lovely chat. That's right, I could have had a THREESOME lol.

And then I woke up more, so we all convened into Sarah's room for a while, and then back to finishe Mean Girls. We were going to watch Pirates, but I went to bed. I have no idea when everyone else decamped, but I don't think it was long after I did.

All in all, it was a great night. I'd do it again lol. But not right now, because I worked tonight and I'm tired. I'M GOING TO BEDFORDSHIRE AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!!

TURKEY

So...what is new in the land of Mare? Not a whole hell of a lot, really. I do a lot of schoolwork. Plus regular work. And then thanksgiving of course. Which consisted of (starting friday night): work, homework &work, turkey, work and turkey. And that was my fabulous turkey weekend.

On a positive note, my boss told me he was proud of me. Because I'm "very obedient, even though you're an only child". I'm going to go ahead and take that in the manner in which it was intended: as a compliment. Even though, in our culture at least, it's really not. But hey, obedience pays. In the form of $8.50 an hour plus food and tips. I'll take it.

I'm getting all depressed again, which is always fun. Basically just me being all whiny, but what do you expect? I'm just so tired of school already and always being tired because I never get enough sleep, and my mother whinging about me coming home, and so on and so forth. But I'll live.

"No one feels another's grief, no one understands another's joy. People imagine they can reach one another. In reality, they only pass each other by."
- Franz Schubert

Econ = Too Much Work

In music class yesterday, there was a Phillipino guy sitting next to me that smelled like Mark. It was weird. Only Mark should smell like Mark. It was really confusing because (I'm just going to go ahead and say it), guys smelling good is a bit of a turn on, but this particular guy wasn't all that attractive (which = turn off). I can't handle the confusion! Plus my prof was going on about how some song would be great to listen to while you were high and yadayadayada.

I spent an entire hour and four sheets of looseleaf trying to figure out a part of a question for my econ 299 assignment. Needless to say, I was VERY frustrated by the time Fleg got home. So she conviced me to tag along on her study date so I could ask Chris if he could help me. Which ended up being the BEST IDEA EVER because he showed me step by step how to prove these two dumb summation equation things weren't equal in like, 10 minutes. God I love honours econ boys. And I got so much work done. It was strange. Their house is like the House of Work (as Allister put it).

But anywho, I need to go to work. Where they feed me. Because I like being fed.

Several Boring Topics

Being as none of us have seen Fleg all weekend and we were tired of asking "where's rebecca?", I took the initiative and peeked in her room to see if she was sleeping and we had just been missing each other. No Fleg. The verdict: she's either gone home for the weekend, or she's been attacked and her body is lying in the river valley somewhere. These things happen.

Today is the infamous house cleaning day, which I love because the house looks so pretty on Sunday nights. I'm on kitchen this week, and I am going to disinfect like a crazy woman. And it had better stay that way, or ELSE. Dire consequences will be thought up. I just have this thing about the place I prepare/eat food having to be clean and sanitary.

I work today for the third day in a row. I don't know if I like this working consecutive days when I'm trying to also get homework done, but I really like money, so I guess I'll take it. I'll just have to stay up late and do homework tonight. But that's okay, because I have a cute new coffee maker, and Mark tells me that they said on the news that coffee is good for you, so I'm in the clear. mmmmm....coffee.

Thanksgiving is this weekend...mmmm pumpkin pie. I HEART pumpkin pie, so there had better be some waiting for me, or else I will commandeer the kitchen (commandeer, nautical term heehee) and make my own when I get home. The Fort home, not here home. Got that's confusing. This is technically my home, so what do I call the Fort home? My parent's place? I don't know. Suggestion box is open.